Today, it is sixty degrees or so. Tomorrow, it is supposed to snow. There is a lot of this going on. Temperatures rising and falling, an instability in the weather, the result of global warming most people would say, unless of course you’re the person charged with protecting our environment, head of the EPA, Scott Pruitt. But that, my friends, is another story.
The story I am concerned about, and you, dear reader, by extension, is my life in 2017 and trying to reconnect with this thing, this practice, this diary, this way of thinking about life, about what it means, what I am doing, what I am not doing, and the usual stray thoughts about boys, dick, money, happiness, and music.
The ups and downs in temperatures serve as a nice analogy for my own life. I am still working in advertising, some days happy doing so, other days not. I want more money, but so does everyone. I am broke way too often in a way that I shouldn’t be in my mid-thirties and as a result too much of my mental energy goes into thinking about ways to get money or about how I am going to make it through to next paycheck with the X amount of dollars I have in cash on me since my bank account is overdrawn.
It’s all a very familiar story, one I have been living out for decades now, and one, which, truth be told, I am getting a bit tired of. So a new story needs to be written and I am in the process, the lifelong process, of figuring out how to go about that. I have been asking for a raise for months, talking to recruiters seeing if that might lead somewhere, and thinking about other avenues entirely, about moving to this or that city, about a band I keep talking about making happen but which like many projects I get excited about brainstorming I have failed to follow through on.
So that’s that. Boring, right?
There’s a guy I like, who I have liked for a decade or so. I went out on date with him a week ago. We kissed on the street after eating pizza and drinking wine. I was literally a manic, deliriously happy, glowing, crazy person the next day. The night we hung out was similar to today - unseasonably warm weather. I had spring fever. I have spring fever.
This weather makes me want everything. Every guy. Every kiss. Every drink. Every drug. Every bar. I want to be in a blur of happiness, riding through the night, laughing, happiness never stopping. It’s really all I want from life, to always feel like that, and I know, because I am not totally insane, that that is not possible. But I want to get as close to that as possible, to be as filled with joy and those feelings as much of the time as I can. I am going to make this happen. Somehow.