Thursday, May 25, 2000

satan escapes from hell

From: "charlie q"

To: [rebecca]

Subject: yo punk

Date: Thu, 25 May 2000 16:03:40 EDT

yo rebecca,

sarah was not too concerned about her car at all, it was still sitting on the side of the road when i came back from the airport, she finally went out to go get it and just told triple a that she was driving it, so it all worked out good, and she kept apoligizing, but i don't know why, i feel like it was kind of my fault,

did you have any more problems getting home on the satan escaped from hell? i wish i would have went home when you did, i was so bored yesterday, i've started packing, there is nothing to do, i've realized that next year i'm definitly going to try to make lots of new friends, because you and nora are about the only people i do things with. you are gone, and nora's always with phil and that whole group up in his room, and anne is never here and when she is she's insane, so i can't wait to go home rebecca, i can't even tell you,, oh and call me this summer so we can hang out miss re-bec-ca, (660-6371), and yo, what's your number, maggie wants to know too, i was talking to her today and surprise she lost your info, so i told her your e-mail address, but said i did not know your phone numero, so what is it punk?

and i'm in the media center right now, waiting for my cd's to burn, evan starts working at 5(in about an hour, so i'm excited about that), oh and i stole so many cd's from barnes and nobles, me and nora stole mucho mucho (ccr, bob seger, portishead, zap momma, gospel, janis, depeche mode, and so much more) , oh-- and then we went to best buy dumpsters to get boxes since that's where you said you got yours, but there are none back there you liar! so we went to winn-dixie and there like well we have these two tiny bannanna boxes with holes in them that you can have, i was so appalled rebecca,

but tonight will be more exciting, thank god, and soon i will be back in va, how is va miss rw? is it fun and exciting, hot, what's up yo?

and i can't wait for next year to start rebecca, there will be so many new people, hopefully some exciting GAY boys, no more obsessing over straight boys i decided, oh and zack and the rest of bentele clan is here today, i love zack rebecca, and i love keith, the facebook came out yesterday tuesday rebecca, there are exciting pictures of shane and keith and gabe not fully dressed, yee-hah, and i love keith rebecca, do you think he's going to do something like graduate naked? cross your fingers for me miss wood?

oh, and i applied for a job working on ralph nader's campaign in dc, except they haven't called me back yet, but hopefully i'll get that, we'll see miss wood yo.

write back miss wood

-mister q

Tuesday, May 2, 2000

she blinded me with science

From: "Maurice Q"

To: [joni]
Subject: she's poetry in motion . . . she blinded me with science
Date: Tue, 02 May 2000 01:17:12 EDT

joni joni,

i don't know. when are you coming to visit new college? when am i coming to visit rutgers? sometime , we'll work that out. how's life with you, when do your classes end, when are you going to be home, share, share, share

last week, two horrible encounters with feminists, caroyl adams came to our school to talk about the sexual politics of meat. and she asked if the audience wanted the lights on or off during her slide show, there were like 5 guys and 30 girls, no one was responding and so i said, "it's easier to see with the lights off." a seemingly harmless answer, right? she said, "no, um, there tends to be a male female dynamic so why don't we let a female respond, a female said the exact same thing because there is not a fucking male female dynamic about the fact that is easier to see slides with the lights off. and so i hated her from the gitgo, and so did my two friends i went with, who were girls and also thought the woman was stupid and way too self-righteous. and so after her talk, the three of us were so inflamed by her critique of how meat subjugates women that we were like "MEAT!!!" and we wanted to go to hooters and eat lots and lots of meat, since she criticized hooters in particular, but it was too far and too late, so we went to outback and ate lots of grr meat and talked about how much we hated that women and the foibles of feminists.

and later that week, this socialist feminist came to talk to my LatAm studies class, and their was a question session, and she said capitalism exploits women, and i asked her what she thought about camille paglia who said, "capitalism has given women economic independence for the first time since mastodons roamed the earth." and oh boy did she go off, she ranted for a good ten minutes about the evils of capitalism and how much she hates people like paglia. so i set off two feminists last week, how many will i set off this week? wait and see in next week's version of the charlie chronicles: adventures in feminist theory.

and i do love some feminists, i'm doing some photo stuff for some of them, i've been in the darkroom every night until about six in the morning developing pictures for muffy magazine, which is due at the printer tomorrow, and i'm so glad that i finished that so now i can actually do school work,

i worked tonite for the alumni assocition making fundraising calls which was kind of fun and i stole a bunch of pens from them, oh and about stealing, sat i also stole so many cd's from barnes and nobles, my friend sam works there and he told me how to steal cds from there (you just slice the magnetic strip down the middle with a razor, so many nora went and she and her breasts distracted the salesdude and i stole us about 11 cds -- it was so fun, and now i have all these new fun cd's, christmas in may hooray

and i have so much school shit that is looming over my head as the deadlines are all quickly converging, but it's time to go play

oh, and listen to this noise, room draw is tomorrow, and me, nora, anne, and rebecca are trying to get a suite and we're probably not even going to get it since we're in like the last time slot, and 90 percent of the people are trying to get a suite next year, so that kind of sucks and so i might be living off campus next year, which i have mixed feelings about, it'd be cool but it'd also kind of suck since this school is so small, and everything happens in the dorms, it's such a community and i don't think i'm ready to leave yet, but we'll see what happens at 12.30 tomorrow when we have to go to room draw

and write back and tell me all the details of your life, when do you get out of school, when are you going home (are you going home), and all that good stuff

oh and i didn't get that research assistant position i applied for, but i still haven't heard back from the st. louis thingy, but if i don't get that i'll be at home and hopefully working, and it's going to be so crazy, because my friend rebecca lives in arlington, and i have a couple friends who are going to be working in dc, and i'll get to see all my friends from school, and see my family and so the more and more i think about that that's what i'd really like to do. but we'll see

ya ya ya charlie qurioz ay ay ay

fight with leslie

you know what, charlie? i don't want to talk to you. i'm over this, i'm above this bullshit, i don't have time for it, i don't want to deal with it, i gain no pleasure from talking about it, or talking to you in general, in fact, i'm rather disgusted by you right now. run and lock your door, bitch

On Wed, 03 May 2000 01:35:04 EDT "Maurice Q"

leslie: a couple of things. speaking on the subject of cognitive dissonance and character flaws, amnesty and pacifism vs. beating people with guitars and vaccum cleaners. practice what you preach, you violent bitch. and i know you don't like the word bitch, but i don't care (probably part of the facade, right?)

and i can't even believe you're going to criticize me for telling people about you beating me, i have not told anybody save for rebecca and nora (two of my closer friends with here) about the spiff between you and I. you, on the other hand have told just about anybody who would listen to your sordid, oh please pity me tale. rebecca has told me you tell random people about the fact that you hate me (keith, nora, etc.). i on the other hand try to keep what i thought was between you and me, between you and me, i don't feel the need to air my dirty laundry. today was the first day i told anybody about this, and this was just kim, keith, and maggie (all ra's who i feel comfortable with talking about the violence you directed towards me).

and i was already to make up with you last night and today, but both times you made that impossible tripping over your own smugness, getting into semantics, the meaning of shitty when i was trying to have a serious discussion about our friendship or lack thereof, but you could not do it, you skirted the subject of your shitty treatment towards me, a supposed friend (at the time? at least i thought so) --- and so it was only then that i had had my fill of you and your shittiness (whatever the fuck you want to interpret that to mean), you cocky bitch, and i'd like to say with a bit of delight: go eat shit, i'm through with you, i thought i could possibly be friends with you again, but today you refused even that option, so please you are no longer a part of my life, so do not call my room at 9 in the morning or whatever the fuck silly games you continue to play, and it feels so so good to say that i don't give a shit about you, and to say it honestly, to have the weight of you and the emptionial strige you brought with you off my back, the pain you enjoyed inducing in my feelings, just your utter lack of care for me,, no more do i have to deal with it, and i have never sent a copy of the e-mails you have written me to anyone so what the fuck you are talking about i don't know

so i guess just go to hell and please stop throwing yourself into my life by throwing huge objects at me with non benign intentions. yeah yeah and the preacherman said can i hear an amen

charlie q

----Original Message Follows----
From: leslie j
Subject: did you want to see me broken?
Date: Wed, 3 May 2000 00:26:50 –0500

in all earnesty, i have a gut feeling that you won't read this, and that you'll delete it and go on your merry way, singing 'all in the family' and screaming about shane. of course, that's not to suggest that either of those things are the problem at all; i'm all about singing and screaming (obviously)--i only mean to say that i'm taking a big chance here. i feel like you'll probably read this and reply with a too-long diatribe about the fact that 'i'm making character judgements' or a too-angry conflagration of words. oh, or you could just delete it after reading the first line. maybe not, though. maybe i'm being too stereotypical and assuming that you won't do something 'out of character'. i'm sort of hoping so, but you know how that goes. you can't always get what you want. so did you forward the other e-mails to rebecca yet? and nora, too, inevitably? and, out of necessity, your mom? have you told keith bentele about the vacuum cleaner thing yet? how about signs, you could post signs. you could get new college on your side. you could prove to yourself that you're not as unjustified as you thought and that you have a point in your actions and your anger. i'm starting to think that i can't just hint around with you. i've never really gotten that impression from anyone else, i don't know what to do about it. maybe i should say, then, what i'm hinting at: i feel like you need others' approval for your actions. that's all good and fine; you're co-dependant. i don't care about that, i mean, there are, what, 600,000 codependants in the world? there's nothing wrong with it. i can accept it. the problem, however, lies in the fact that you pretend not to be. you, like oh so many others (not naming any names here) are pretending to be something you're not. you're trying so hard, you've almost got yourself convinced. (keep in mind, this is all my opinion; i don't know if that needs a disclaimer, but the fact is, character judgements are just that-character judgements. they're not supposed to be bipartisan, they exist for a purpose) like, in a lot of ways, i feel like you're pretty sure of yourself. you're pretty clear about your facade. i feel like you believe it. just earlier, just earlier today, i feel like you were telling me all about how you don't care what other people think of you and how they feel about you, even if they are your friends, even if they are your mother, and they did set you on fire. and you've said that to me before, that you don't care whether what you say offends me or hurts my feelings or whatever, that you're not in it for other people's acceptance. which, too, is perfectly fine and acceptable, but usually, it's one or the other, not both. and if you don't know this, then you don't know me very well at all (which would actually not be that surprising), but one of few things in the world i can't abide is falsification. in other words, i hate it when people feel compelled to pretend to be something they're not. as i'm sitting here writing this, i'm continually thinking to myself, 'what's the point?', you know, 'why bother?' why bother being mad and throwing vacuum cleaners (i've never done that before, by the way)? why am i wasting my energy on this? i should get over this. i should be like charlie. i shouldn't let it affect me. i should remove myself from the situation. i shouldn't care about this. this is ridiculous, this is an absurd idea.

self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable. - maya angelou