i have just finished watching snl, which was so good, jimmy fallon is the cutest boy ever. watching the show has made me very excited about going to live in ny, which was just listed as the best place to live in the us by money magazine. and also on this list of 7, was shock of shocks, sarasota, fl. i was real confused by that, but you know, whatever.
okay, enough diversions, time for the cold hard truth: i, a boy named gun, am a big fat dykey loser. (i'm really not a homophobe either, that phrase will just not leave my lexicon, i'm pretty sure it's from "welcome to the dollhouse," but i'm not sure, i know have heard it somewhere).
last night i stayed up way too late watching skinemax, and masturbating in the living room while my family slept upstairs, watching really trashy movies (i.e., sex at students.edu -- yes, that was really the title). i seriously masturbated for like two hours with the volume of the tv turned down super low so my family wouldn't hear that i was watching softcore porn. and it was straight porn, i don't know why, but i am so aroused my straight erotica. i think that that is very weird for a self-identified gay boy. i need to talk to other gay boys and see if they are aroused by this, too. i think it is arousing to see a hetero male totally objectifying women, i think it has something to do with power fetishism, and probably also an idealizing of gender norms. not exactly sure, but basically it boils down to the fact that i am a big fat loser who watched bad straight softcore for hours instead of sleeping.
and then, all i have done all day today also is watch the boob tube, seriously i must have watched 6 hours so far today, and i didn't even wake up until about 1. so i've been awake for 12 hours or so, and half of that time has been spent in front of the tv. at least it wasn't bad softcore that was the choice today, today it was the food network, there was an iron chef marathon on today, and i watched it. i don't know why. the show is just so fucking funny. but i worry about laughing at the show, because i wonder how much of the humor is because it is a dubbed japanesse tv show -- it seems to have some of the same racist qualities of minstrel shows, wherein it is almost a group of people (japanese) that are being laughed at. but, there's other aspects to the show that are really fucking funny, it's just so absurd, with a host called the chairman who wears extravagent, gaudy clothes, and on one episode today, rode in on horseback. and then after that was over i watched the naked chef, another really good cooking show. and after that, i watched the aforementioned snl.
i did however leave the house on two occassions today. the first one was me going to old towne, to turn in my olsson's application and then coming home -- a whole half hour out of the house. whoee!! i would so like to work at olsson's over winter break, it seems like a such rad place to work, it's right on the river, and it's a progressive indie bookstore / record store which is an endangered thing.
the other trip out of the house today, was a consumerist indulgence to target with my family. i bought two new cd's: the new dmx cd and patsy cline's "heartaches". the new dmx cd was a disappointment because it didn't have the song on it that i thought was on it. but oh my god, patsy cline, whoa has that girl got soul. "crazy" is maybe the most soulful song ever, right now it's my song of the moment.
i've done no school work over break and i really am not that concerned, i'm really enjoying virginia and i'm going to try to leave fl as soon as possible. virginia is so nice right now. it's so what i need, it has seasons. cold, cloudy days are so much more conducive to brooding. the weather reflects the varities of moods of human experience rather than the static always good weather of sarasota. is it weird that good weather makes me depressed, it really does seem to mock me. when i'm feeling like shit, and it's a sunny day with a bright blue sky, it just makes me feel even more like shit that the weather does not reflect my current state -- that i am weird or something for not being bright and sunny. oh, how i love virginia, let me count the ways:
-seeing people from high school no matter where i go, leaves, seasons, the potomac, my mom's minivan, my boring high school friends who are so comforting to hang out with, a lack of 50 million retirees (ahem, sarasota), townhouses, and yeah fuck yeah cloudy skys for weeks at a time, that's the fucking shit