I don't honestly know what it would be like to kiss him. It might very well be terrible, might be really awkward, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it when I am in his company. At a certain point, a crush becomes too much. The fanaticism builds and builds, eating any sort of rationality, rampaging past any cool and casual approach. You stare really hard at them whenever they are around, or maybe you have more game than I do and do not do such a thing, however I certainly do.
He has these gorgeous brown eyes that I look too hard at, awed by how cute he is. He wears his socks high and I dream about being at his feet, looking up. I basically just dream about what it might be to caress this person's body anytime he's around and as such I have some trouble talking to him without seeming like a basket-case.
It is now September. I have been unemployed for a month now. I have a lot of time to think about boys, too much time to do so. Boys are a lot easier a subject and a lot less stress-inducing than thinking about my financial situation or about jobs. The steps to obtain one seem somewhat simpler than the steps necessary to obtain a job, or at least I feel more sturdy navigating those steps. It is not a matter of waiting and waiting for emails back from ad agencies or temp companies. There is a person out there who will I see out at night at parties and I can talk to him. I can try to flirt with him, can engage with him. There is a face, a really cute one, and not a screen I check again and again. There is a presence, something I know is real.
And so I dream about him.