I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
For the second time, yoga class has ended with this quote being read. Sweaty, exhausted, and vulnerable from just doing an hour of yoga, this Rilke quote is perfect, making you want to carry the calm and open feeling of yoga out into the world, making you realize that all of the things going on in your life, those things and relationships with people that consume your thoughts and energies, are better left unpicked at, left to just be what they may.
The weekend is coming to a close and it hasn't been everything I have wanted but has been things I did not necessarily want, did not expect, and so their happening was all the more nice. I had a slightly awkward but really lovely night sleeping next to Diego. I got stoned today and looked at old Italian paintings at the Met, being totally overwhelmed by much of it, overwhelmed in the good way, in the way that sometimes things are just so beautiful that it overwhelms one. I watched the sun set in a snow covered Central Park with Niki. There was that aforementioned yoga, which was a great class and put me into this really great mood that I am in now. Also putting me in this great mood was the sex I just had with this john. After a weekend of seeing terrible people and not being into the sex, being turned off and having to work hard to get into situations, it was so amazing to see this guy I saw tonight. It was my second time seeing him.
There was no talk to turn me off. He was naked and in the dark when I got there, waiting, a submissive gym-bunny bottom. I fucked him and have never had such a hot time fucking someone, getting really into it, him getting really into it also, me not wanting it to end, not letting it for a while. The yoga class felt like it was continuing, this beautiful physical exertion, stretching, and bending being centered in breath. Centered in that and hot role playing. I left his house dripping with sweat, so happy.
More of Calvino was read on this ride home. That also made me so happy. So did the orange juice I drank when I got home.