His reply was to not reply.
I am beginning to realize I am a terrible judge of knowing when someone is into me. I thought there was some nice shared moment, something cute, that this person definitely wanted to hang out again. Wrong. Alex Trebek buzzes that buzzer to let you know you have said the incorrect answer and says "Oh, I'm sorry," his face contorting in pain that you were so wrong, that you were so oblivious of your wrongness, answering your wrong answer so confidently.
So maybe I'm not going to win Jeopardy, but that's okay. I'm playing the game and that is all that matters. I am trying to make myself more vulnerable, to verbalize what I want, to go after it. And that's part of life, of playing the game - getting the answer wrong. But there are more questions out there, more chances to get it right.
I hung out with this guy, Sebastian, last night. We had chatted on Scruff briefly before I invited him over. He was cute, charming, and new to the city. He was in his early twenties, another guy probably too young for me to be hanging out with. After some talk about something or other, we started kissing, took our clothes off, had sex. We held eye contact as we fucked, saying yes and more and this feels great with our eyes only. Afterwards, we lay next to each other, dripping sweat on to my sheets.
We then moved to my roommate's room so we could smoke out his window. We sat there drinking wine, smoking cigarettes, and talking about our lives. These moments of connection are all I want and they are so nice when they occur.
The moment expanded. A woman who lives a couple doors down walked past the open window that we were sitting in front of and said hello and introduced herself. We chatted for a bit through the window before we invited her in to join us. The three of us hung out in our apartment, drinking and chatting about past histories.
It was a great New York night, having this nice evening hanging out with two people I didn't know even just several hours earlier.
My neighbor eventually left. Sebastian had to leave soon as well. We kissed goodbye by my door, which led to fucking goodbye by my door.
It was raining. I gave him an umbrella for his walk home.
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