Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I was sitting in a pizza place in midtown around lunch time, Pronto Pizza I believe. The snowflakes starting coming down. I could see them through the window. I got incredibly giddy, these first bits of snowfall always doing this, making me into a wide-eyed giddy child. It’s probably conditioned, snow as a child meaning no school and playing with friends all day long outside. Even though life doesn’t work that way anymore sadly, the reaction is still the same, that of incredible joy, wowed by the ways of this planet and how precious our lives are, beautiful even.

I had earlier in the day gone to the gym and jogged for a bit, jogged near a certain closeted CNN anchor, and thought about him for a second before I thought other thoughts, thoughts that circled around and around, no linear narrative to them, items would pop to the surface, recede, and appear again later. The subjects thought about during this jog were my new love of jogging, how the effects of it are entirely different than other cardio exercises, and how I am developing an addiction to it, have wanted to do it every single day lately, have woken up early and thought about jogging. It releases good things, this is known, and those chemicals are having a quite beneficial effect upon my mood these days. Also thought about were friends, new work friends and more weird queer friends, and how my efforts to hang out with the both of them at the same time doesn’t always seem to work sadly, and also thought about what impression my co-workers must have of me when I invite them out to random Brooklyn bars under the JMZ tracks, and discuss in detail with Richard the artistic visions I have for these two porn projects that I have discussed doing with him. That was last night. The bar was Trophy Bar and supposedly there was to be an open bar, but there was no such thing.

After jogging, I went and sat in the steam room. My rock god crush was there who I fooled around with the last time I was in there and we sat next to each other, me again trembling as I touched his body, thinking him the sexiest man I have seen in quite a while. His dick, his feet, hair, eyes, scruff – it all comes together too well and I have to stop detailing it, because I am getting too hot here in this decorous library thinking these thoughts and need to save these naughty thoughts for a time, very shortly from now, when I will be in my house and can jerk off to such recalled scenes.

I then came to the library again this afternoon and reworked the story I wrote yesterday, making it sound better. Right now, I am happy with it, but need to put it aside for a while, and create some distance, read it again in a week or so. I do this often, write things I think are quite good, and then coming back to them after a week or so with some distance realize how crap the effort was. Hopefully, that will not be the case, but even if so, there are other things to write, and I am really serious about getting in the habit of doing this near daily, especially once my work schedule settles in the next couple weeks and I can start making things habit and routine. The good news is that I start work again tomorrow, that the hiatus is over, and I can again start having some cash flow. This evening, I am quite excited because I am going to go see a screening of GB Jones’ The Lollipop Generation out in Sunset Park. I have had this on my calendar for many weeks now and am so excited that the date is finally here.

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