I have been at the new job for a couple of days now. It is what it is, a job, one that I feel a little too qualified from, one that is too far from what I would like to be doing, and yet also one that pays money, a decent amount, and so I can only complain so much. My dream life of the past couple weeks came to a close, the life of sleeping in, reading books, working out, and making myself healthy meals, listening to new music, and having a sense of leisure in my everyday life. I miss it already. My pace of reading has slowed down a great deal, the book that I was plowing through earlier, The Marriage Plot, has now slowed greatly.
I went to see Prima Donna, Rufus Waingwright's opera, performed at BAM last night. It was fairly boring, as opera often is, but lacked the visual and musical thrills that normally draws me to opera. I nodded off throughout most of the first act. I went to Westway afterwards and drank far too much, especially considering I had to work this morning. Work, already, getting in the way of fun.
I am listening to Mary J. Blige and falling asleep. I am going to get high so I can fall asleep quickly so I can really enjoy my morning coffee tomorrow when I wake up, be well rested enough that it doesn't make me want to hurl, but rather makes me sigh with pleasure, enjoying being more awake to this world around me. Ash Wednesday, today is. The beginning of a forty day ordeal. I haven't given up anything, intentionally at least.
I just watched Drag Race. Willam asked Latrice Royale to "take us to church," and despite the potential for problems here, for the weird power dynamics making me squirm of a white person asking a black person to sing for them, it really was a joyful moment. Latrice belted out some tune and the entire cast of queens danced around happy, releasing things. It was incredibly sweet, what a family does, really close friends do. It was even more striking given the unfortunate negative and catty nature the series has taken recently. I am thinking about Latrice Royale. I found this beautiful Tumblr and it is making me incredibly happy, making me love her even more, seeing how great she looks in these captured stills and gifs. That, and the voice of Ms. Blige. Those things, and the much needed sleep that is within such close reach, the really deep, exhausted kind that you wake up so much happier with the world from.