Saturday, August 11, 2012

Deee-Lite's "What is Love?"

It was Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm not sure exactly. I am finding myself less and less aware of how time is unfolding, less and less able to ably separate chunks of it into days I can easily identify as such and recall. They are blurring together. It is summer and I want to drink and one of my closest friends in New York is moving to LA in a couple weeks and I am racing against time, trying to get it all in before it ends, before I die, before I become too old, before the summer ends, trying to live basically as good as I can.

And so forgive me for not being able to recall the exact day of the week, but sometime a few days ago I received an email from my landlord with a new one-year lease attached. I cursed out loud when I read the thing, timing everything, and me a bit surprised and yet also not that, of course, this would have to happen now. For the past several months, we have been living in this apartment not on a lease, just paying month-to-month, our lease having expired earlier this year. It was very nice, especially so during this period of time when Jacob and I were living together as roommates. Right now, it works great, but the idea of committing to another year of sharing a bed and this particular apartment as ex-boyfriends seemed like perhaps not the best idea, not something I would necessarily want to lock myself into for another year.

We discussed various options, considered resigning the lease and staying, considered moving out. The new plan as of now is that we are going to move out at the end of September and move into a two bedroom apartment together. We both agree that we really like living with each other, that it has been one of the best living situations we have ever had as far as being paired as roommates go, and so we are going to keep doing so. I am excited about this and relieved that I won't have to try to find someone to live with. It could potentially be awkward, but only as much as we make it, and so hopefully this happens and works out. Now, I really need to seriously start saving money now to put down for a new apartment.

Life is weird, a bizarre fucking thing that I don't understand, that I never will, but that there is an understanding in itself, perhaps the most necessary one to live happily - to possess the knowledge that it can't be understood, that it can just be lived and laughed at, the comedy that is our existence. I am about to go get drunk with an ex-boyfriend from another time in my life and we are going to go out dancing. And surely we will talk about being old queens and about boys and love and our lives and our hopes for them. I will try not to sniff any poppers this time.

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