Tuesday, April 15, 2003

the femmes will have to suffice for human interaction tonight. every night? no! things will change!

I have energy, so much of it right now. It cannot be contained. And yet, here I am on Bonnie's computer because I have nothing else to do. I had scheduled a round of Scrabble with Jamie for after I got off work but she is asleep! And I want to play. Not neccesarily Scrabble, I am just ready to interact with some things with blood flowing through them. I want to listen to loud music and dance, but again, there is that Jamie asleep thing preventing me.

Walking home from work, I saw something lovely. The Knights Inn recently installed a neon purple trim to the top of the building, and on that American highway, that beautiful stretch of asphalt, US 41, there were puddles from a sprinkler watering the plants in the median. And in the road, as a result, on US 41, there was a long glimmering line of purple. It rocked off the surface off the road, through these eyeballs straight to over-caffeniated neurons that were firing with a joy and a gratitude for this life, and an immense appreciation for this land, these States. I read Edmund White's A Boy's Own Story recently, and the best part was one line that sticks in my head: "The sky and the water were anagrams of each other." What a phrase! And that line was also transmitted by these happy, skipping neurons and two pieces seemed to fit together. Neon lights and a reflection in a puddles of sprinkler water. Anagrams of each other. Everything is. Pieces fitting into places left and right. Everything made of each other. The connections being made. And I want some connections to be made. The Femmes are yelling into my headphones right now with a similar desire chanting, yelling over and over: "And she can touch me all over my body, touch me all over my body!"

Those wacky midwestern boys, them. But, I am not doing a very good job of verbalizing this feeling of ah-ha!, of the world having a seeemingly divine order, and that's the problem with revelations - they don't have staying power - their revelatory feeling of discovered knowledge only seem to reside in those brief moments, lasting as long as it takes to say the ah-ha that describes the moment. And then the neurons are firing other things, trying to hold on, to wrap words around the fading experience. Presevering it in jars. Jars like this one.

I have energy, so much of it right now. It cannot be contained!

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