Saturday, April 19, 2003

green means go

Zero for three. Sean said no to making out with me. Said no quite a few times. Some 17 year old boy gave the equivalent of no. Ben Haber said no also. Oh well, no harm in asking. I stopped there, and did not even try to make it zero for four by asking Andrew. There is some bliss found in being told no and in not caring, in asking with the expectation of no, and then saying okay, of talking about it like it is going to get ice cream. No, no ice cream for me, thanks. So my goal of making out with Ben seems like it is never going to happen.

But, I have new books to go to bed with, stolen from Barnes and Nobles earlier today. I don't know if I should bring Wallace Stevens, WC Williams, or Sharon Olds into bed with me. They will not say no. They are intelligent and concerned with the right things, what I need to be concerned with. I saw clear blue water, the Gulf of Mexico, and swam in it today. I ate a club sandwich, drank lots of beer, champagne, and wine, and bowled quite a few games since it is dollar days at the local bowling alley. A good day, a waning moon, and six days until I am out of the Sunshine State and into someplace else, someplace new, a city where I dream of yes being said.

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