Sunday, April 20, 2003

the town i live in

I have thoughts about Flordia, positive ones. By chance, I opened my new Wallace Stevens book to a poem called "Farewell to Florida," about Stevens leaving the Sunshine State for a northern urban spot. This seemed symbolic, it made me outrageously happy, and it made me start meditating upon my own approaching farewell to this state, made it seem a lot more signifcant.

Also, I read an article about my love, Bruce Springsteen, and I have spent the day, the night thinking of how amazing a person he is, and exactly why his art is so moving, where it comes from, this power it has, how "Born to Run" is so fucking full of the stuff of life, and absorbs its listeners into it, makes them co-writers of the songs, like all art, songs, and books should be, like the good type - getting you fucking involved.

And I love Springsteen's relationship to this land, this America, and walking home along US 41, I was filled with joy, thinking about Springsteen, singing to myself, "I want to know if love is wild, baby, I want to know if love is real..."

And in this moment of love for mankind, for America, some redneck asshole driving by me threw a bunch of water onto me while yelling something indiscernible. It's not like it is already not rough enough to be a pedestrian in this diesel loving town, having to endure the occasional yelling from punk drivers, yelling about something, trying to make something out of their life, trying to get a little masculine thrill, make themselves feel tough or bad, or whatever it takes to send a little more blood to their tiny dicks, the stupid redneck motherfuckers. But to have to deal with shit being thrown at you when you are in the best of moods thinking of how great this land is, boy, it sure is a bit of a buzzkiller. But this, too, I love. It is part of it, I need to embrace it. Yell at driving away cars like it matters, and laugh because I am all wet, and it is nighttime.

And tonight is the last wall I shall ever attend. Leaving Thursday, more thoughts will be hashed out relating to Stevens, and soon I will say my own farewell to Florida, but until then, SNL, wine, and dancing.

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