Sunday, May 13, 2007

my allergies make me feel stoned

Not that the past week hasn't been also, but the past two days have been crazy, not so much as the previous week has for having things happen that are great news or are really interesting, but because I have been a bit sick and have been in a daze, occasionally feeling such outrageous moments of insight. My skin is pallid and clammy looking and it always looks like this when I am sick and it is beautiful looking to me, as are my glassy eyes, watery and drugged by all the pollen in the air. Perhaps it's the pollen that can be blamed, but I also have been so horny and have pretty much been masturbating all day long today except for the couple of hours spent lying in McCarren Park today.

Last night, I was taking a shower and looked down at my feet and thought, "Holy shit! Those are my feet I am looking at! I am alive! What the fuck?" And that quote there of what went through my head, perhaps which I even uttered aloud, is surely not enough to convey the terror and wonder that I felt when I realized in a way that I normally don't that I am alive and what exactly that means.

This past week, I have been hanging out with Bruce every day, working for him, helping him get his apartment in order, and talking with him. He's going to Miami for the next three months, but is going to have me down for a week soon, and that entire situation is a little mind boggingly in how quickly I became friends with him and how nice he is and just generally everything about it.

Aside from these allergies that have kicked into high gear, making me feel totally crazy, life is going so outrageously well and I am excited about the future, am not worried about next month's rent, am excited about things to come, and feel pretty confident about many things. I am in love with my body odor lately and there is so much symbolism in that, all that has transpired for me to not only be comfortable not wearing deodorant and smelling, but to be in love with that smell, to see it as a sexy thing. And if you don't know how beautiful you are, just ask me.

No comments:

Post a Comment