It does concern me that half of January is nearly past, that half a month of this new year has already whizzed past me and I have done none of the things which I resolved to do in this new year. Tomorrow I am going to wake up and it will be 2008. Tomorrow I am going to start doing all the numerous things I said I would do this year. These include not smoking, waking up earlier, writing every day, and becoming a better person. They are fairly simple resolutions and yet apparently not simple enough for me to actually do them.
I saw a really fantastic performance tonight at the Kitchen by Superamas called Big 3rd Episode. It was one of the better things I have seen in a while and probably the most intelligent thing I have seen in a long while, scratching the surface of really topical questions (for me) about happiness by deconstructing scenes, having them repeat several times in different ways, breaking them up with bits of video or light. It's not an easy show to describe, but a pleasure to watch and to engage with, the show provoking many questions and even some briefly grasped answers.
I rode my new bicycle to this performance and fell in love. The feelings that I have are a bit silly. I will occasionally check myself and ask if this love might not be materialism, that to have actual feelings of love for a bicycle, a piece of metal, may be a little warped, but the pleasure that I got while riding it and the ease with which I rode, the ease with which it just pedalled casually over the normally steep Williamsburg Bridge, silenced those questions, pesky things.
A couple of days ago, I found out that I have rectal chlamydia. I took some pills, two, and in a week the STD should be gone. Surprisingly, this is the first time that I have had an STD. The occassion seems worthy of note, of documenting it here in this diary, this thing that I have been neglecting, but which I am going to start things up again with. I don't want to make resoultions I cannot keep, but my goal is to write in here every day, that diaries are very important to me, that it is a form of writing, and that when I am in the habit of writing in here regularly, it comes easier. Writing is a habit that I need to get back into. I need to drop some of the bad habits and pick up some of the good ones that I have let drop over the past several years. Even reading this here I can see how my brain is mush, how my writing is also, and how I need to clean up both, how through writing more regularly, making it cleaner and less messy, that that has an effect on my brain, on my ability to think intelligently and coherently. I can't say more because it all reads like shit to me, but tomorrow and the next day and the days after I am going to clean it up, work myself closer to that place I want to be in.
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