Saturday, January 19, 2008

Portions of the letter I received from my dad's sister, Herta, dated January 8, 2008:
I sensed a great deal of uneasiness when I called you the other day. Please understand that is not my desire to make you feel uncomfortable. I simply wanted to say hello as well as to know that you are doing fine. I pray everyday for you, your sister, and your mom. May you all find happiness, but most of all I hope you are at peace with yourself. I will not call you again, but I certainly hope that someday I will hear from you and your sister.
I know all too well that it takes time to heal your painful wounds. Also I know that we must work on faith because one day the pain will subside. Everyone of us did what it was necessary to protect those we love.
We did nothing wrong. My brother had emotional problems so deep, that nothing, or nobody cold have changed.
Life is not always easy Charlie. I am sorry that you, your sister, and your mom had to suffer because of my brother's addictions.
In the future I will send you a long letter. I want to tell you about our family. I recently have found out so many things about my own mother and father and reflecting upon those facts I wonder if my brother's life and mine would have had less pain.

This letter annoyed me a lot because it brought up things that I am not sure need to constantly be brought up every time I talk to my aunt. It also annoyed me because there was this patronizing I-have-learned-to-forgive-and-maybe-one-day-you-will-be-able-to-also tone to the whole letter that got under my skin. After picking this up from my old apartment, reading it there in my old living room, and then biking home, I took a shower, and in that shower, I mentally composed a response to this letter, the letter that I would send in reply. It wasn't neccesarily the nicest letter, but it felt good to compose this while showering. It relieved some stress that the letter had brought on. My response will certainly be a much tempered down version of that imagined letter. That shower letter is yet another unwritten and unsent letter, another one added to that already big file.

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