Monday, September 3, 2012

And scene.

I am drinking whiskey and feeling confused and really liberated. I am drinking Old Overholt. Let me tell this story first about why this whiskey suddenly has so much appeal for me. So a couple months ago, one of my co-workers and friends committed suicide. The next day, our place of employment had a nice little impromptu memorial for her in which they had us all seated at the rooftop bar, telling fond memories of her while listening to Beyonce (whom she was obsessed with). They served champagne and also had out a bottle of whiskey. I had never heard of this brand before, nor tasted it, but I immediately fell in love with it. I was really emotional when I did a shot of this with a lot of my co-workers as we remembered this person's life and thought about what life means in broader strokes, what it is that we are doing here on this planet, these brief flashes of existence that constitute our lives.

That story out of the way, on to the one I meant to tell: Jacob and I have decided not to live together. I know both of us have been feeling this way for a while. I had been looking at studio apartments in secret. He had been talking to some friends from Ohio considering moving here about getting an apartment with them. It was when he told me this today, that I asked if we were going to live together or not. He said he did not know yet. He was waiting to hear what their plans were. Basically, I was his backup plan. This upset me a great deal. I have exercised so little control in this situation over the past few months, have had my fate and future entirely decided by his choices. I told him let's just not live together, let's just decide to do that now. It felt really good to somehow take control of my future, despite the fact that this decision may have been made shortly by him anyways.

I feel liberated in a way I have not in months. I am really excited. I might move to LA.

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