Sometimes you just need to get fucked. Then, you will feel better.
I wasn't expecting it to happen. I had gone over to this guy's house in Greenwich Village to get a massage. I had been trolling Craigslist and Grindr this morning, seeking out some erotic delight. Grindr, as usual, was providing little of it. I responded to one Craigslist ad though, someone offering free massages, and within ten minutes, I have an address and a phone number and am on my way. So I was just expecting the promised massage, which was really all I wanted.
The guy opened the door to his apartment and I was doubly wowed. The apartment behind him was insanely gorgeous and huge, a dream really, art scattered everywhere, beautiful wallpaper, fancy furniture. That wowed me. Also the person standing in the doorway, welcoming me, was unbelievably sexy. He was a man, a broad-shouldered, beautiful and butch dude, young and with a mustache, something I would see on the side of a bus advertising jeans or cologne. I could not believe my luck. This was a guy that if I saw out at a bar, I would probably be far too intimidated to approach, believe was way out of my league, but because our desires intersected on Craigslist, his to give a massage to someone and mine to receive this massage that required nothing on my end, I found myself naked on his bed, him leaning over me massaging me.
It was actually an incredible massage. The guy knew what he was doing and worked the tension out of every part of my neck and shoulders, out of my arms, out of my legs, out of my feet, out of my wound up body. It felt so amazing. After quite a while of this, he then started to focus on my ass and thighs, touching my penis lightly as he moved his hands around my thighs. He could tell I was really into him. He took off his underwear and started massaging my ass again, now rubbing his hard dick against my ass crack, against my back. He laid on top of me and I am sure I moaned. He then started to rub his cock against my asshole, sticking it slightly in. I wanted it so bad, was feeling so relaxed from the massage that it felt natural. Normally, I have such a hard time getting fucked, can't allow myself to relax enough, can't quit constantly thinking about how I am probably getting shit on the person's dick, this or that, my mind continually preventing me from being in that moment physically. But today was a different story. The man was incredibly sexy. He had just massaged me for an hour. I was lying on my stomach on fancy sheets looking at a nice rug on the floor and wondering where it was that this scene was taking place and how I ended up in it. He put on a condom and started to fuck me.
He asked me if I wanted poppers. I said yes.
It felt amazing. I haven't been seriously fucked in years. Yes, there was that moment a couple weeks ago when I was briefly fucked my by co-worker's boyfriend, but that lasted maybe a minute before my mind clenched up my asshole and made me too nervous. There was that time in the backroom in Barcelona when I was fucked by that Argentine and that felt good, but that was also something I was not totally present in and in which I was also nervous about shitting. Today, I was present and not concerned about these fears, just had a really fun time getting fucked. I let myself be present. I looked up at this beautiful man and that made it all the more amazing, some erotic dream come to life.
I came and he pulled out. I apologized that it might be messy and the condom was a bit messy but he said it wasn't and he really seemed not to care. I wiped the cum off my stomach and the santorum out of my asshole with toilet paper and flushed that down the toilet. He was seated on his bed in white gym shorts and he asked me where I was from and every time I spoke to him I was nervous that I would be too gay, too femme, for this person. There are some guys that try to appear butcher than they are and it comes off as false, but this guy was just so naturally butch, and it made me nervous, that I normally don't interact with dudes. There was something so beautiful about this man. I didn't want to scare him; I kept my answers brief, kept the swish in check. He told me he has a studio near my apartment and suggested that we might meet up again next week. I said that'd be cool.
And yesterday I was stressed about a great many things as you may know if you read the previous entry, but today, now, in this moment, I am stressed about nothing and feeling so fucking good.
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