the sunshine state

Shortly after noon today, the flight attendant announced over the loudspeaker: "Welcome to sunny New York!" The flight had departed a few hours earlier from Fort Myers and it was very clear upon looking out the windows of the plane that she was joking. It was that dull winter fog that envelopes the entire landscape in a heavy grayness. I had just spent the past few days underneath bright blue skies either lying by the pool or by the beach during the days, and spending my evenings getting drunk with my family.

I had gone to Florida for my cousin's wedding and as soon as the plane touched down, I was smiling ear to ear, so happy to be in Florida. Seeing how dependent my mood is on weather, how great weather really makes me a better person, I really, really began to consider more carefully whether maybe I should indeed move to LA in May with my friend Erica. I thought about this and certainly also thought about love and companionship, it being a wedding and all. Throughout the weekend, I had quite a few aunts suggest that I was going to be the next of my cousins to get married. They think this because I am the oldest of all my cousins. I assured them that most likely their younger daughters would probably beat me to that distinction, that I am very single these days. Were I not in Florida and in such an impossibly good mood, this prodding about getting married really could have sent me spiraling down in a melancholy tailspin.

But it being sunny Florida and my good mood pretty much being unstoppable, there was only minimal missing of Jacob, which given that the weekend was in celebration of a wedding was a very good thing. I did cry as the couple exchanged their wedding vows - indeed wanted to hear someone say to me such sincere affirmations of love.

One morning, I borrowed bikes with my sister and we rode along the sides of roads on flat expenses of land. I might have cried during this moment as well. I was swelling with sentimental happiness, recalling the four years I used to live in Florida and memories I had long forgotten about all came rushing over me. We biked to a Publix and we ate some subs. We biked back past squat houses and expansive horizons. I lied by the pool. I watched sunsets. I lied by the beach. I had nice talks with various family members all weekend long. I listened to some booty rap and danced a lot.

On the subway ride home today, I rode a dirty A train back from JFK. The woman across from me had one of those old lady rolling carts. She kept glaring at me in a not very friendly way. I was convinced she had fish in her cart. The train smelled overwhelmingly of fish. I was home after a weekend away and was actually quite unsure whether indeed I was home.