my resignation (effective immediately)

From the Archives
This is my letter of resignation from Sherwood Hall Public Library, where I was a page for two years, and quit after a new boss, Jenifer, was hired and was a big dickhead to me and Poonum. I'm such an asshole sometimes.

to: jenifer, ruby, and florence
from: a mister charlie q
subject: my resignation (effective immediately)


“Life is sweet but short for certain.”
-Dave Matthews
I always have told myself that I would never do anything I did not like, and I am not intent on making myself out to be a liar, so with that I must quit my page position today. I will not work one more day in that environment. I no longer enjoy it; to be honest I dread it. There are too many egos there that are not conducive to a pleasant time—case in point: Sue (the volunteer supervisor) and on occasions, Jenifer. I break away before I waste another second of my life doing something I do not enjoy. C’est la vie; Life is too beautiful to not enjoy and so I remove my cancer by leaving this unpleasantness behind. I wish everyone I worked with a future with few frowns.

Telephone Booth Number 905 ½
by Pedro Pietri

woke up this morning
feeling excellent
picked up the telephone
dialed the number of
my equal opportunity employer
to inform him that I will not
be into work today
“Are you feeling sick?”
the boss asked me
“No Sir” I replied:
I am feeling too good
to report to work today,
if I feel sick tomorrow
I will come in early

The Greatest Gift

From the Archives
Today, I was real bored, started fishing through the closet and spent way too much time reading stuff from elementary school and high school. What follows is the original stuff, with bad writing and cringe worthy statements. The only thing absent is the big handwriting and doodles.

undated - fifth grade

On June the twelfth, 1991, I got out of bed and got dressed. When I was putting on my socks, I heard some knocks on the door. Therefore, I dropped my socks and ran downstairs to open the door. It was my mom and dad holding my birthday present. They came into the house with this birthday gift. I opened it. It was a boombox with a compact disc player, radio, and tape player installed. Then my sister came downstairs with spots all over her face. We found out that Jamie had the chicken pox. Jamie cried a little and asked to go to the zoo. My mom said that we would.

We all got into the car and drove to the zoo. I turned my boombox on. The cows mooed (at the zoo-a cow?) We left the zoo. When we got home, it was 2:00 a.m. so I went to bed. I loved my greatest gift.

When I Grow Up

When I grown-up I want to live by myself. I'll have three pet goldfish Amy, Joe, and George, and two dogs David and Ronald. I'm going to earn money by working for Nintendo of America when I grow up. I'm going to have a house with four bathrooms, three bedrooms, one living room and one garage. I'm going to have 5 cars from the 50's, 7 cars from the 70's, 3 cars from the 80's and 4 from the year 2015 and that's all I could tell you about my future.

The Fieldtrips

From the Archives
Today, I was real bored, started fishing through the closet and spent way too much time reading stuff from elementary school and high school. What follows is the original stuff, with bad writing and cringe worthy statements. The only thing absent is the big handwriting and doodles.DEDICATION
To my friends at Bucknell and my Class. To my family and Mrs. Fells.AUTHOR & ILLUSTRATOR
I have a sister named Jamie. I am 7 years old. I was in Mrs. Fell's class in 1988 and 1989 My Moms name is Mary Quiroz. My birthday is June 12 I was born in 1981

Nov. 7th and 8th 1988 was teacher's work day. It was the first day I went to the Museum at SACC. It was fun. We got to see lots of things. We went to see dead snakes. Then we went outside to play on the three-horned dinosar. It was fun. Then the day we went roller skateing. When we got there we took off shoes. Then we put on a pair of roller skates and stared to roller skate. Zackery kept falling down and it was funny. I was laughing. Then I fell down and Zackery laughed.

Good-bye!

the nick at night t.v. land tour

I saw the nick at night t.v. land tour it was at tysons II. It was fantastic. Donna Reed's husband was there. He was in the Micy Mouse club, until he punch someone in the stomack in front of Walt Disny. I saw the car that Timmy and another guy drove in the "Car 54" show. I saw Mr. Ed talk, he said "give me a scratch behind my ears." I saw the Cone-Heads they were dumb, I saw Mr. Wilson to he was funny. Going to the nick at night t.v. land tour was fun.The End

I Am

From the Archives
Today, I was real bored, started fishing through the closet and spent way too much time reading stuff from elementary school and high school. What follows is the original stuff, with bad writing and cringe worthy statements. The only thing absent is the big handwriting and doodles.I Am

I am too small to

• drive a car
• smoke
• drink beer
• swim in water 10 feet deep
• jump off the diving board
• go to high school
• get married
• get my license

I am too big to

• go in the baby-pool
• wear my baby clothes
• suke bottles
• go to preschool
• be a baby
• ride a tricycle
• play with my baby toys

I am just right to

• walk to school
• cross the monkey bars
• be in second grade
• watch My Stepmother is an A-lien
• ride a waterslide
• ride a roller-coaster
• make tortillas

Myself

From the Archives
Today, I was real bored, started fishing through the closet and spent way too much time reading stuff from elementary school and high school. What follows is the original stuff, with bad writing and cringe worthy statements. The only thing absent is the big handwriting and doodles.
HI I am Charlie Q. I am 8 1/2 years old. I have brown hair, and brown eyes. I collect coins, Bottle caps, sea shells, baseball cards, and comic books. I like to play, watch t.v. and read. My favorite animals are koalas, bull dogs, and Alaska bears. I like being Charlie Q.


The End

My Sunny Summer

From the Archives
Today, I was real bored, started fishing through the closet and spent way too much time reading stuff from elementary school and high school. What follows is the original writing, with bad writing, cringe worthy statements, et all. The only thing absent is the bad handwriting and doodles.

My summer was tudly exellent and, fantastic! I went to the Disny MGM Studios Theme Park. I went on the great movie ride. Then I went swimming at Jackson ville beach. Then I went to Disney World. It was great, and went on Space Mountain. I read lots of books this summer. It was the greatest summer I ever had.

The End

The Scary Alien

FromFrom the Archives
Today, I was real bored, started fishing through the closet and spent way too much time reading stuff from elementary school and high school. What follows is the original stuff, with bad writing and cringe worthy statements. The only thing absent is the big handwriting and doodles. Notice that it is dedicated to Mr. Fells and my teacher's name was Ms. Fells - not sure if that was on purpose or not.DEDICATION
To Micah, Mr. Fells, Naheem, Elise, Mom, and dadAUTHOR & ILLUSTRATOR
My birthday is June 12. I was born in the year 1981. I was born in Tampa Bay, FL.One night I was at the Movies, I was with my family. I saw Roger Rabbit at 10:00 PM. I ate Sour Patch kids. Then I came home and I thought I saw a big hairy Alien. It had brown hair. It looked like an anteater. It was right next to me. But it was my big Alf Alien. He was medium-size. When I found out I was laughing so hard that I fell off my bed. My Mom said what are you doing? The End.

This is How You Feel When You Are a Snowman

This is how make a snowman. First you roll a snowball. And then you roll it more bigger. And then you put a pipe for the mouth. I am a snowman, and I have a carrot for my nose. And I have three snowballs on me. And I'm by the candy store. And it is fun. And I am made out of snow. When I melted I melted in June. And I did not like it. And then it was hot. People threw snowballs at me. And I am a snowman. And I am made out of snow.Charlie Q is six years old. He is in first grade. The people in his family are Mom, Daddy, and Jamie. Charlie's favorite activities are playing tennis, riding his scooter, gymnastics, and playing football. Whne Charlie grows up, he wants to be a movie star.