adventures in tv land: softcore, iron chef, jimmy fallon, and snl

okay i am now in virginia. i came home for the turkey day and i leave monday morning to return to the sunshine state.

i have just finished watching snl, which was so good, jimmy fallon is the cutest boy ever. watching the show has made me very excited about going to live in ny, which was just listed as the best place to live in the us by money magazine. and also on this list of 7, was shock of shocks, sarasota, fl. i was real confused by that, but you know, whatever.

okay, enough diversions, time for the cold hard truth: i, a boy named gun, am a big fat dykey loser. (i'm really not a homophobe either, that phrase will just not leave my lexicon, i'm pretty sure it's from "welcome to the dollhouse," but i'm not sure, i know have heard it somewhere).

last night i stayed up way too late watching skinemax, and masturbating in the living room while my family slept upstairs, watching really trashy movies (i.e., sex at students.edu -- yes, that was really the title). i seriously masturbated for like two hours with the volume of the tv turned down super low so my family wouldn't hear that i was watching softcore porn. and it was straight porn, i don't know why, but i am so aroused my straight erotica. i think that that is very weird for a self-identified gay boy. i need to talk to other gay boys and see if they are aroused by this, too. i think it is arousing to see a hetero male totally objectifying women, i think it has something to do with power fetishism, and probably also an idealizing of gender norms. not exactly sure, but basically it boils down to the fact that i am a big fat loser who watched bad straight softcore for hours instead of sleeping.

and then, all i have done all day today also is watch the boob tube, seriously i must have watched 6 hours so far today, and i didn't even wake up until about 1. so i've been awake for 12 hours or so, and half of that time has been spent in front of the tv. at least it wasn't bad softcore that was the choice today, today it was the food network, there was an iron chef marathon on today, and i watched it. i don't know why. the show is just so fucking funny. but i worry about laughing at the show, because i wonder how much of the humor is because it is a dubbed japanesse tv show -- it seems to have some of the same racist qualities of minstrel shows, wherein it is almost a group of people (japanese) that are being laughed at. but, there's other aspects to the show that are really fucking funny, it's just so absurd, with a host called the chairman who wears extravagent, gaudy clothes, and on one episode today, rode in on horseback. and then after that was over i watched the naked chef, another really good cooking show. and after that, i watched the aforementioned snl.

i did however leave the house on two occassions today. the first one was me going to old towne, to turn in my olsson's application and then coming home -- a whole half hour out of the house. whoee!! i would so like to work at olsson's over winter break, it seems like a such rad place to work, it's right on the river, and it's a progressive indie bookstore / record store which is an endangered thing.

the other trip out of the house today, was a consumerist indulgence to target with my family. i bought two new cd's: the new dmx cd and patsy cline's "heartaches". the new dmx cd was a disappointment because it didn't have the song on it that i thought was on it. but oh my god, patsy cline, whoa has that girl got soul. "crazy" is maybe the most soulful song ever, right now it's my song of the moment.

i've done no school work over break and i really am not that concerned, i'm really enjoying virginia and i'm going to try to leave fl as soon as possible. virginia is so nice right now. it's so what i need, it has seasons. cold, cloudy days are so much more conducive to brooding. the weather reflects the varities of moods of human experience rather than the static always good weather of sarasota. is it weird that good weather makes me depressed, it really does seem to mock me. when i'm feeling like shit, and it's a sunny day with a bright blue sky, it just makes me feel even more like shit that the weather does not reflect my current state -- that i am weird or something for not being bright and sunny. oh, how i love virginia, let me count the ways:

-seeing people from high school no matter where i go, leaves, seasons, the potomac, my mom's minivan, my boring high school friends who are so comforting to hang out with, a lack of 50 million retirees (ahem, sarasota), townhouses, and yeah fuck yeah cloudy skys for weeks at a time, that's the fucking shit

twas the night before thanksgiving

so tomorrow's the big turkey day, and i have to wake up at 5 bum fucking o clock in the morning, so i can be at the airport to catch my 7 o clock flight to dc. i'm going home to see my family who i have not seen in so long and will be so so glad to see. although i am slightly concerned about flying on thanksgiving day into dc, what with this little war going on and everything. does that make me a big wimp? i'm not that scared, but it is definitly something that is in the back of my mind.

oh, and i have the hugest crush ever on this first year kid named mark. but my crush on marky mark seems very different than most of the crushes i have had in the past. this one does not seem like one wherein the crushee is totatlly objectified (ahem, shane, drew, andrew, etc.). marky mark just seems like such a rad person, and i'm sort of sad the semester is going to be over in less than three weeks, because i would like to try to make this boy my boyfriend.

but, hopefully i can at least get to make out with him. he was working in the mailroom today, and i stopped in to ask if i had any mail (why does this sound like the start of some bad erotica writing in playgirl or some such shit?), and then i sat down and talked to him while he was working. he seemed slightly uncomfortable, but hopefully that's a good nervousness thing, and not oh-dear god-some-boy-is-hitting-on-me uncomfortableness.

and i just stared at the back of his neck and his hair as we talked and he put mail and victoria's secret catalogs in everyones boxes. and his neck was so cute, his skin was just super-smooth and this really nice white complexion. i know this is really horrible but i really do have a think for white boys with brown hair. whiteness is so hot, i don't know if i've just been totatlly mystified by popular body images in the media, or if this some sick product of me being mixed, where i idolize ideas of whiteness. really nice complexioned white skin is the most beautiful sight in the world (on a boy, of course). perhaps, that's enough aryan youth ramblings, but basically this marky mark boy is so cute. ps, he likes too dance which is so fucking cool, that's like 50 million cool points just for that alone.

oh, i took naked pics of bo at the crossley estate, hopefully they'll turn out good, however i don't think that they will cause i had the aperture on a really bad setting. but after we hiked back to my car at college hall, i appearantly sped out of there like a bat of hell when i backed up, and then i got very excited by the dirt road, and picked up speed. i always high tail it on that part of college drive where it's that dirt road detour. driving through the dirt fast makes me feel like mad fucking max or something, with visions of tina turner singing 'we don't need another hero.' my fantasy, was interupted however by the blue lights of new college's finest. i got pulled over and got a warning for going 40 on a 15 road which i think he might have been lying about, he said he clocked it, but how do i know that he just didn't guesstimate, you know?

my to do list:
-get my fucking life together
-apply for mcsweeneys internship
-find someone to move into my room
-think of an isp
-ask mark out on "a date" (aka - hey mark, you should really come watch this movie with me and bonnie)
-call borders about working there over x-mas
-start worrying about where i'm going to live in ny
-get money from the sac
-do the layout for lush hopefully by wed
-and then oh dear god, paper upon paper upon paper

okay and i just saw amelie, which was the cutest movie ever, and throughout they told all of the character's loves and hates

so things i love: marky mark, getting annonymous cards, talking to really smart people, having crushes, eating whole cans of olives in one sitting, warm underwear right out of the dryer

things i hate: that cat smell that some rooms have, jelly, people that are to cool to be bothered, people that won't jump in the pool with their clothes on, the odorific smell that my shoes have recently taken on of nastiness

and, i have to pack and go to bed, and make sure to wake up otherwise my mom'll throttle me if i miss my flight

h to the izzy v to the izzay, remember when i used to play ball down in v a

Va, here i come, whoo, i love virgina so much, and it'll be nice and cold and smell like fall. oh -- add the smell of fall to things i love.

peace

will i be pretty? will i be rich? what will become of me?

it's been a few months since i last tried this online diary thing, maybe it's time again for my semi-monthly entry.

let's see, let's see, where to begin?

umm, well, i'm at work right now bored out of my fucking mind and playing around on the internet. i'm working at the best western a couple blocks from my house. i work at the front desk. no no no. i sit on my ass behind the front desk, sliding the rolley chair around the office, changing the tv station, throwing food in the microwave and playing around on the internet.

prior to coming to work, me and bonnie did a heist at publix. we filled up our cart and walked out the door with it. it was so easy as usual but right in the last moment wherein you join the exiting people i had a little crisis of confidence and so thought that we were going to get caught. and i made bonnie push the cart out of the store. but i am not writing this from a jail cell, and so obviously we did not get caught. sometimes i wonder how long my streak of not getting caught shoplifting can possibly last. i mean, it's the basic law of probability right? i have to get caught at some point in time. but, whatever, i'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

and i am soo so excited because i will no longer be in sarasota as of january. i will be a pseudo-new yorker, going to school at hunter for a semeter. and my plans for next semester have gotten even better as of yesterday when my roommate bonnie decided that she wanted to go to ny too. so last night we searched through village voice classifieds with dreams of being "hip" and "bohemian" in new york dancing through our head while cute little kids danced out at the wall. New YORK - ahh - i am so excited, i can't even handle it. sporadically throughout the day, i just scream new york to myself remembering that i will be there soon, and then getting all super giddy.

but, before it was my definite plan, when i was still weighing it, my mom told me that my dad's lung cancer had gotten worse and his prognosis is that he has six to eight months to live. she also said that he has lost a lot of weight. so that is what made definite my plans to go to ny, so that way i would only be a 4 hour trip away from home since there's tons of trains always running between dc and ny. i don't think the reality of this situation has entirelly dawned on me yet. i occasionally am hit by flashes of reality in which i shudder thinking that by july, my dad will probably not be alive.

shit. fuck. that is the scariest thing ever. i have yet to deal with the death of anyone even semi-close to me, and so all this is very upsetting. it still does not seem real to me that my dad, whom i would always play soccer with and listen to him blast his loud acid rock (the dead, and pink floyd), is slowly dying. not only is it upsetting for reasons of my dad's impending death but it is also messing with my head forcing me to confront my own thoughts on mortality. i've been fairly agnostic for a good whiles, but that was so easy when i did not have to think of death as the end of someone's "existence" -- if there even is such a thing and it not some mental construction of ours, giving man an exaggerated self-importance.

i am trying to continue believing the whitmanic idea that man is not distinct from the earth, that he is merely earth and so there is no such thing as death, it is just a transmutaion of one's body back into a fertilizer state.

but, you can't really talk to fertilizer and that is the thing that terrifies me -- that there will very soon be a time in my life when i will not be able to call my dad, when i will not be able to call him a lame-o, or make fun of him for being deaf, calling him an old man -- that my social reality will be served a major monkeywrench very soon.

but, as ned flanders taught the town of springfield to sing in one episode: que sera sera

subject: re:

From: "charlie quiroz"
To: [rebecca]@hotmail.com
Subject: Re:
Date: Tue, 09 Oct 2001 15:25:54 -0400

hey becks,
me and bonnie were just looking at the new nc web page to see if we were on it, but we didn't even notice you -- that's super exciting, but guess who'd not on there? yep, me and bonnie. and drew.

so, what's the drama in beck's life that you alluded to a couple of days ago, are you still going to visit fidel, despite the int'l sit.? how's the farm?

i just turned in paper that was due yesterday by 4, becks i don't know what is wrong with me but i just could not write it to save me life, i was flipping out and thinking i should just drop out and it was only a freaking 5 page lit paper, rebecca i get so easily stressed these days. i have another paper due on friday, and this one is going to be so bad, it's going to be . . . dear god, in heaven no, don't say it . . . a philopshy paper. oh, i want to cry just thinking about having to write that nonsense for that bobo language and politics class.

clay was here this weekend. our wine tasting party was lets of fun -- we even had a red velvet walkway going up to our house which was pretty funny. let's see, the best western is the coolest job ever, it is easy street let me tell you what -- i work 4-12, i'm the only one at the front desk, and i probably actually have to do work for about two of the hours i am there, i just do my homework and watch tv, and eat, and listen to the radio and wait for people to come check in. easy life. and , i am doing far more studying than i'd be doing if i weren't i work, so i'm basically getting paid to study which is cool

oh, i'm seriously thinking trying to go away next semesterm through national student exchange, but i have to decide like yesterday if i want to or not, so i don't know what i'm going to do, i really wanted to go to howard but i missed the deadline, but now i kind of want to go to u-mass at amherst, but i have to see if they're still accepting. i just feel like i want to be somewhere else trying something different, not that i don't like my little fiefdom i have set up for me, where i know everywhere and it's superfun, but i think i want to take a little breakie-poo, you know?

well, bonnie keeps saying she's going to mail your contacts but i don't think she has yet, in fact i'm pretty positive she hasn't. yesterday she said she couldn't cause she didn't have your address.

oh, there was a whole article in the catalyst about me about me possibly having to go to student court, and they put the silliest quotes in the world in there from me, and there's a quote from our good friend markie mark blaweiss and the funky bunch and he says, "i can't wait to teach charlie a lesson." or something really funny and sinister sounding liek that.

well adios, becks, let me know what's the dealy with your life in va and all, hey?

beck re ah

From: "charlie q"
To: [rebecca]@hotmail.com
Subject: beck re ah
Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 12:18:38 -0400

rebecca i so hope you come down to visit in the fall, are you going to? rebecs- i miss you so much, me and bonnie have been stealing alcohol from publix and getting drunk every night, last night was our 10th night in a row, we are way o-o-c. and, becky got back two days ago. rebecca you need to come here so you can hang out at the wall with me. cause bonnie and becky are bobo, i go with them and then all they do is talk to guys or hit on guys, and it is so superobnoxious when people are this boy/sex crazy. i need some good ol rebecca who has her head on right and isn't so fucking boy crazy, cause it gets super boring at these walls yo.

mini-classes started today, i am in between mine right now.

and let me tell you how sad i am beck-- andrew has decided that he doesn't like me or something, i've been trying to hit on him for like a week and he just blows me off-- he's hitting on this stupid, ugly first year whose name is jd, and who i refer to as that stupid jd power and associates boy. beck -- it's so sad, i've never felt so pathatic about boys ever. and there is no one else at school that i am interested in except for this one first year whose sexuality is questionable. beck, what is an unwanted boy to do?

i get very annoyed at bonnie sometimes when she's super drunk cause i'll tell her this sad story about andrew and then she'll be like, "so, do you think (insert just about any boy's name here) has a crush on me? blah blah blah" and nora's never home cause she's always with her boyfriend. and school is all a flux, i don't know what the fuck i'm going to do, cause there are all these classes that i want to take and all these i need to take, and i have to find a lit sponser, which may not happen this semester because most want you to have taken a class with them, and all the ones i have taken classes with are not here this year.

oh, i saw arianna yesterday which was super super exciting, she's living in b-dorm. oh and i hate mike sanderson, he's so obnoxious, every night he makes some comment about how everyone hates me, and i don't understand what he's talking about, and for some reason he always manages to talk to me right after andrew's blown me off or something.

and i'm really not pathatic all day, i just get in pathatic funks throughout the day, and right now i guess i'm in one again.

well, how bout you take a little trip to the sunshine state, miss wood?

love
charlie

re:

From: "charlie q"
To: hinbeh@hotmail.com
Subject: Re:
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 00:01:07 -0400

beck- yo i am missing you here in sarasota. i'm in the house. me and bonnie are being pre-orientation leaders together, and they're feeding us free food, but we have to go to training for five days for eight hours a day, yo -- you don't even know how much i was ready to shoot myself today in training.

and, i have some super duper exciting news for you. are you getting excited? guess who's moving to arlington in a few weeks and was super excited that she would be able to visit bec? can you guess? here's a clue: rod stewart sort of sang a song about her telling her to wake up.

yep, yep -- it is none other than maggie ray, i saw her today and i was so excited to see her, i had been hoping so much i would see her again and i ran and gave her a huge old hug, it was so nice. i saw andrew briefly two days ago, and now i am jonesing like crazy for that boy yo, today i was hoping i'd run into him on campus so much, reba-kah, but i did not. so hopefully i'll run into him tomorrow

shane is still in texas -- he will be coming back on the 20th.

rebecca please come visit us in the fall -- pretty pretty please, i need some good ol' rebecca adventures yo.

the drive down to fl. was pretty fun. we stopped at south of the border and all sorts of other cheesy places, it was good times, and becky and phil came and stayed with me to for a night, so that was exciting.

i'm in the hcl lab right now with bonnie and jasmine writing e-mails in the dark so the cops won't see us in here, somehow bonnie has a key. where oh where is andrew, beck? what's the latest with your cuba plans? i had an interview for a box office job at the asolo and guess what i did not get hired, they wanted me to make a committment to be there x-mas eve and the day after x-mas, i was like uh-aw, see you folks later, i will be in v-a.

nora's kind of wacky and she flipped out at me about 20 mins ago, she works like a dog, i never see here, she is constantly at work or sleeping or with her boyfriend, thank god for bonnie, she's a fun girl yo. not much new college gossip yet cause not many people are here (aka shane),, oh anne beat a girl up in this shower at a party, it's a pretty outrageous story. bo has long hair. i have fro hair.

well, miss beck, i'm going to end this here cause i'm starting to babble, but how bout you give me a little write back, you know? and did you sign bonnie's guestbook cause she was just freaking out about a weird signing.

--charlie

it's a living thing

okay, we are really eventually going to start writing these entries on a more frequent basis.

i just finished reading a heartbreaking work of staggering genius, and the ending has me artistically inspired to create. it has me feeling like shit for wasting so so much time on my ass. but, i'm home with my folks for the summer and around them i lose all motivation to do anything at all. maybe it's that i'm embarassed to do stuff around them -- i don't know. and so this is today's declaration #1: next summer, i am not going to live at home no matter how broke i am.

i didn't really want to come home this summer, but when i was trying to think of things to apply for in march, my mom in a very serious voice said that i needed to go home. i didn't really argue and decided to come home and work there for the summer. when i got home, my dad told me he had lung cancer. my mom has since told me that his prognosis is not good. it's not something one can really ask questions about, like how long do you have left to live? but that is the question i am wondering, and i am worrying/wondering that that time may be soon -- because when i was bitching about having to be home my mom said that she wanted me to come home so i could spend some time with my dad but that i could go somewhere next summer. does that mean that this is his last summer?

it's a really weird feeling, and i feel sick for thinking about these things, trying to come up with a time frame, and worrying that i will have a nervous breakdown if it happens while i'm at school, and i'm worried about petty things like how it'll affect my academics and other bullshit that healthy minds should not think about, i tell myself.

also today, i was supposed to be in this sex video with this middle-aged perv named carl, so i drive all the way out there and he tells me that he's feeling sick and we'll have to film it after he gets back from vacation. but he gave me a $100 deposit for coming all the way out there. so, i made any easy 100 for doing jack shit -- and i'm thinking about just not doing the video and keeping the money cause all he has is my e-mail address. and while i was there, at this smelly apartment that was a gathering for sexual deviants, i was asked my this old man with a long white warped santa beard if i'd have sex under hypnosis. okay, this is fucking santa asking me not what i want for christmas, but rather if i'll let him hypnotize me and fuck me while taping it.

there's something about really old people, that just repulses me -- maybe i'd get it on with his young elves, but santa is too fucking old. i'd fuck rudolph before i would santa.

oh, and i have a legit job too. i work at this organic market in dc, which is sometimes fun. and i was a minion of satan until two days ago doing (yes, the most evil of evils:) telemarketing. i sold subscriptions to this theater in dc, but had to quit because i couldn't deal with being one of those obnoxious people who invades your home, crawling through phone lines, hawking their ware. that, and i hadn't sold one subscripion yet, either. i sucked at telemarketing and decided to "leave" before i was fired.

oh, and at the organic market, they usually play classical, but today it was 70's funk and rock and i've had these two lines from a song in my head all day and i don't even know what song it is. but it's so positive and happy, but not blithe or any bullshit like that. it goes: "it's a living thing [doo-doo-doo-da], what a terrible thing to waste."

that song and the book by dave eggers have made me eager to do something with me life. oh, and another contributing factor to this desire to create is my purchase yesterday of the movie purple rain. prince was signed to warner brothers when he was eightfuckingteen. okay, i am now twenty -- two years past that point with no major artistic accomplishments, and even more importantly (and the reason for the lack of accomplishments) - a complete lack of artistic talent/skill.

all of this forcing me to think, about what am i going to do, what will i offer, what can i do to make things more pretty, more fun:

resolution #2: get out of the house more often, you lazy motherfucker. every night that you are not working find something to do, and get someone to go with you.

resolution #3: dance more often

when i was at school i would dance 24/7 but now that i home i don't dance at all, again it'd due to whatever influence being around my family has upon me

so, it's a living thing - what a terrible thing to waste

W.L.M.

yo [redacted],

you've turned in your john moore paper, right? you better have, miss meg. and sorry for taking so long to respond to you, but mtv has had me in a trance. it's really sick, all i watch is mtv -- i'm so fasinated by it, it's so wonderful.

so, you're in new york now right, how is it, you love it? yo, you are so lucky, let me tell you what, if i were in new york i would be fucking stalking that gorgeous snl boy jimmy fallon. you know who he is, right? he's so super cute. megan, i've decided this is the boy you are going to pursue, you can do it megan, you better. jimmy fallon is the dreamiest boy ever, i keep watching all my sister tapes of snl and staring at that kid, yo.

so, correlated to my love of mtv is my lack of a job, i have still yet to find a job. i do absolutely nothing except hang out all day, which my mom does not love so much, she is forever telling me how i need to get a job, and so i am determined to get one tomorrow, and i might even work at borders which i told myself i wasn't going to do anymore.

oh, but today i made 150, it's really funny and it involves whitman. so, i did this jack-off video for these two middle-aged guys at their apartment today. or, i tried too. i thought it would be funny, you know? so, i got there, and i was so turned-off the second i walked in -- their apartment had that rank apartment smell where it smells like cats or some shit even though they don't have cats, you have to know what i'm talking about. well magnify that by a gazillion and that might almost come close to what this place actually smelt like. it's funny how in this situation, this smell is the biggest thing i remember-- trivial details are the big ones. and speaking of bigness, one of the guys was 300 plus pounds and looked and talked like Divine in Hairspray playing the tv station owner (one of his few performaces not in drag). okay that's what this dude looked like and the other guy was just a 40 year old pervert. i get there and he pays before even filming, so i was excited. then they start filming and they start off asking all these silly questions that they wanted hot answers to, like "what do you think about when you masturbate?" [did you have any fun experiences like this at pleasures, i'm really fascinated by sex work, and that's one of the reasons i did the video, tell me about all your fun pleasures time]

and so basically, umm, i was not excited per say in this rank setting with these sleazy gross men, and so their tape is ten minutes of me laughing, and trying to get excited. but to no avail. i finally was like, look yo, it ain't going to happen, i ain't going to get excited, let me give you your money back. and he was like no, no, no. so, i got an easy 150 for just playing with myself, oh and here's where whitman came in handy, paul said we'd remember those lines at certain times, -- well, i did. i was like look, yo-- this is what i really think about when masturbating, and then recited the "copulation is no more rank to me than death" lines and then i left. it was such a grand exit with those whitman lines, and i have paul to thank for all of it, oh how was the dinner with him?

but, they have both sent me e-mails already -- the fat guy is wondering if i'll let him go down on me once a week for 50, and the other dude wants to film me getting it on with him for 250. i probably won't do either, but 250 sounds nice. i just feel like prostitution might be my one boundry that i won't experiment with --- the sharon olds poem, "sex without love" came to mind as i read their e-mails. and this entire experience has led me to question why i like photographing people sexually -- i feel like it may be from the same slightly perverse, definitly voyeuristic reasons that these guys had with me and makes me feel sort of dirty, and so i feel like i have to approach how i photograph people differently.

yo, yo megan, i want to come visit you later this summer, so we can work together on stalking jimmy fallon, you know. are you working, meeting cute boys, reeking havoc on NYC, let's hear all about the adventures of miss [redacted] in the big apple..

adios -- charlie

how does this work? [THE FIRST ONLINE DIARY ENTRY]

This entry here marks my first foray into the world of online diaries, my first entry in my original online diary at gun.diaryland.com.

so, i'm trying out this online diary business after being addicted to the diaries of countless people. and i'm also bored as fuck right now.so, i'm home for summer in the great state of virginia, and it's super pretty right now. everything is lush and green and not humid. i'm on summer break from school in florida, and i'm going to add more soon -- i just am playing around right no with this to see how it looks and all. i promise i'll be a lot more witty and literate later, first i must work on design. . . adios

the big bad wolf

>From: "charlie quiroz"
To: [daina]@hotmail.com
Subject: who's afraid of the big bad wolf?? it's me, it's me. [SING IT NOW!!]
Date: Sun, 24 Dec 2000 22:39:25 -0500

daina is a punk, how's life with you and whatnot, better?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

today i think was my last day at borders since the x-mas season is over, i don't think they'll need me anymore

i just got back home from church with my family a little while ago, it was bad, first i fell asleep and kept nodding off and swaying during the sermon, then while they were preparing the eurachist and it was quiet and solemn in this packed church, i burst out lauging, me and my sister both had a wild seizure of giggles because the people ahead of us, a teen girl and her old mom danced (and i mean shook their fucking ass) to every single song, and these ain't no fun baptist songs, these are stodgy, organ-led catholic songs, and they were groovin away and in sync with each other -- i mean i just went hysterical, i have seriously not laughed that hard in years, meanwhile my mom is shushing me and being very embarrased, so finally i got up and walked out and laughed and laughed outside, and waited for my family and for mass to end

oh, and i got a huge ego booster at work today, this gay friend of one of my co-workers was there today and told me he had a crush on me after following me around the store and being all cute all day, but i wasn't really attracted to him, he was a little too gay, he had a really faggy voice, but he was pretty cute -- so i made up some bullshit and told him i was with someone at school and blah blah lie lie lie -- but i might end up calling him, he'd help my numbers

oh, and there was this french boy that i was stalking today in borders, he was so cute, and he had a girlfriend, but he was from paris, and he had the thickest accent and he was so hot, and i talked to him forever about books and photography, and i was so obsessed, but it was fun to flirt with a straight boy -- straight boys are so much more fun to hit on, i don't know why

jill scott is playing thursday in dc, and if i can scrape up some cash and if it's not sold out, i'm going, and i think nora might be up here then, so i might try to get her to go to, which would be a blast

daina, we'll be back at school soon, isn't that so exciting, get excited yo!! we're going to rock out the place, and we're going to get with shane. yeah baby, jan 2001, look out!!

hold down florida

wls

gots to go before santa gets here

charlie