I was planning on coming home and masturbating to remembrances of seeing many of my crushes' penises tonight, but now I am nervous and may lock my bedroom door, and want to feel safe, cannot even muster the horniness needed. I was held up on the subway with a razor blade, lost all the money I currently have in the world ($48), and have spent the last hour at the police station bored and thirsty. I am going to drink lots of water and sleep forever. Tomorrow, I will tell you about the dicks, about all the great art shows this afternoon, about Plaid, and the story you really want to hear involving me, a man named Lord, and a razor blade.