Saturday, February 5, 2005

Besides the DJ playing MC Hammer's "2 Legit 2 Quit," I had an awesome time last night dancing to the fun pop music up on a wooden box, in a pair of little green briefs that I recently bought from H and M. I got there, searching around for Ron, the person I was supposed to talk to, and decided to ask the coat check boy where this Ron was, and who should be the coat check boy, but David, my first big crush here in New York. I was so excited to see him, found out who Ron was and went and talked to him.

He had called me at about seven yesterday evening and told me to get there at eleven-thirty, very little notice and barely no directions whatsoever. In person, he was just as vague and said that there were lots of people coming in and that I should dance now, that I could set my stuff down in the basement storage area. And down there, bending my head to miss the low pipes, I took off my clothes except my shoes and my skivvies and looked at myself in the full length mirror that was set up down, sucked in my stomach and liked how I looked better. I got upstairs, Ron pointed to the box on which I was supposed to dance and with about three sentences of directions, I became, for a night at least, a go-go dancer. Everyone at the bar turned to glance at me when I got up to dance and I looked at the ceiling as I danced because I was so self-conscious and could not make eye contact with anybody yet. Sweat kept pouring down my forehead and the red light shining on me made me all the more nervous about performing, but after the first two songs, I found my groove, got comfortable being looked at, and danced and danced.

Perhaps knowing that I didn't have the best body, I danced well and out of control because that I do have going for me I know, I can dance and look like I am having an awesome time because I am. I was pouring sweat again, but not from nervousness, from dancing so much. Gwen Stefani was played, the song I love, and I danced and danced and totally lost myself to rocking out and noticed I was getting a lot more attention. A couple dorky guys came up and tipped me. Throughout the night, it was always the slightly nerdy boys that approached me, I guess I had that nerdy aesthetic, which I am okay with.

The other go-go boy finally got up to dance and I got down to take a break, talked to David and drank some free beer. The other go-go boy was muscley, and this made me feel a little insecure about being the dumpy go-go boy, but then those nerdy guys came and told me that I needed to dance some more, that they liked me much better than the other boy, and I danced more, and drank more, and before I knew it, in the midst of having fun, dancing, not totally ready to quit yet, it was over. Ron told me that I did good, that he would call me. Um, I was going to write more about this and about the Queer Fist protest, but right now, I am going to watch Wong Kar-wei's 2046 because the hip video store had a copy even though it hasn't come out in theaters and I am so excited, and I'll probably write about that and about how it made me (because it surely will) want to fall in love with a boy and I also watched the end of Sex and the City today and my mind is in the clouds, and there seem to be cute boys left and right and it all makes me happy and I will write more, I will.

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