Friday, February 18, 2005

Each time I start to play music on my computer, I always start with this song, at least since I downloaded it a week or so ago, that has been the case. And then I play it over and over again before it has the chance to get even ten seconds into the next song. It started off with me listening to the song like he was David Cassidy, this boy Charlie, headphones pressed close to my ears, eyes closed, imagining him, him and I, silly scenes with a boy I saw at a bar one time and have never said a word to, but now, the boy, the crush isn't even present when I listen. There are just those perfect noises that make up the harmony and me spacing out for chunks of two minutes and forty seconds before the next song temporarilly brings me back to reality. I do this until I get tired of the song or tired of wasting my time, and then I stop the music and do something else.

Today, I did sit-ups and bought underwear, in anticipation of perhaps having to dance at the Slide tonight. Ron did not call me, so I guess I am not working this evening, and I am mildly sad about that and hope that I will still work there some future weeks. It is probably best that I am not working tonight since it is Peter's last night here before he moves to California. We are going to go out to the Royal Oak and hopefully dance and if it is lame, scary, or obscenely loud, we will be hightailing it to another bar, somewhere close. As of tomorrow, there will be an opening in the friends department, preferably a gay boy who lives close and will be ready to go the Metropolitan at a moment's notice. I might start going there by myself. I have to make friends again. It is hard. I might just rent a lot of DVD's all the time, sad romances and write about how lonely I am everyday.

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