This little paper could very well effect the rest of my life and that is making me quite sad right now, knowing that this all could have been prevented had I been a little more motivated and a little less in love with sleep.
This morning, I went by Professor Schatz's office to drop off this paper that I churned out in the witching hours this morning, a paper that I wrote in a couple of hours, one which I could have easily written two days ago, meaning on time. I had been warned by some people that Schatz was nuts about some things and that he very easily changes moods. I pooh-poohed this when deliberating whether to turn in the paper late or not, thinking that Schatz seemed like an amiable, laid back guy who would not care if a paper that was due at five was instead turned in the next morning. I was so so wrong.
He saw me approaching the door with my paper and started shouting, "Nope. Nope. I am not taking that paper. It was due yesterday." I entered his office thinking that he might still take it, maybe. He told me to sit down and then said Nope some more, said that it was due yesterday, and that he cannot make exceptions.
And I wanted to cry. He told me that I was probably going to unsat the class. And blah blah blah. And I have a four out of four contract - and that would mean I would unsat my contract. Meaning that I could not graduate next fall - meaning that I would probably not graduate at all since my scholarships run out next fall.
And to make matters worse, he said that this could not have come out a worse time, that in half an hour he was meeting with the rest of the lit. department to discuss my application for a lit concentration. I ended up sitting there for half an hour, prodded by Schatz's questions raging about how I hated New College, criticism, and life in general. And yeah, I am full of rage right now and I have to bike to motherfucking work and it better be goddamned busy so I can exert my energy, tire myself out pummeling dough for pizza loving idiots in this fucking town. Today, I daydreamed about dropping out and am thinking of what I could possibly do if I did do that. Schatz told me to come to class on Friday and to talk a lot and that he might take a look at my paper. And we'll see how that goes. If it doesn't go good, Fall Break is going to be spent trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life.
This stupid little paper is going to be my demise - I am going to be a college dropout, working at Domino's because of this one stupid motherfucking paper and I am so ready to rage right now. Grr. And Sean is a few computers away, and I am full of hate for the world right now. Look out Domino's.
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