Monday, October 7, 2002

school drool

I have just escaped from yet another boring class led by David Brain, in which I scribbled notes to myself about ideas for stories, scribbled some questions about revelatory literature, and thought a lot about boys since I was slightly horny in class.

For some reason unknown to me, I tend to get physically excited in class quite often. I think this has something to do with how cold it tends to be, how I shiver, and want to go to sleep, rub my arms, the goosebumps on them making me deliriously tired, wanting to curl up in bed, falling into daydreams of things other than David Brain and Karl Marx, of naughty things.

I feel generally unexcited about today, about the past couple of them. Friday I did something with Sean, at night, before the wall, played with his cock, kissed his neck, and then talked. I was asked what I wanted. I was honest. Told him, him. His company. And I was basically turned down, told that he did not want that now, that he had to think. Well fuck you, and your motherfucking stupid thoughts.

Saturday, I went to work, had a fucking wonderful time playing around with Terra. Robin, the owner had made us dinner, steak and rice. The owners are so cool, Robin and Robert, they are like a nice mom and short-tempered pop to everyone at work. It is a really comfortable feeling, one that I enjoy. At a little before eleven, getting off early because it was slow, I biked real fast home, watched the beginning of SNL, and then went to go have my wall, which was really not all that fun of an experience. Throwing a wall is a lot more stressful than just going to a wall. I felt a lot more self-conscious than usual, felt like I had to dance since very few other people were, and was also sort of sad that not that many people were dancing. But Amanda danced a lot to all the songs I really love and so that made me happy. In addition, there was more unpleasantness with Sean. He made an appearance at the wall, I ran up to him, started talking to him, eventually found my hands within his, and basically the conversation again turned to how he was not interested right now, how he is too busy chasing a heterosexual male who is never going to be with him. And so, I have decided I am done with Sean, that I just need to stop flattering the ego of a boy who couldn't give a damn, move on with my life, find happiness in music and god.

I'm very glad that that is all over, all of it, the whole damn weekend and everything it involved. Now I must go to work in four short hours, and then I guess I have to start thinking about my Russian Novel paper that is due tomorrow, that I will start writing tomorrow morning probably. Hopefully.

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