Saturday, November 15, 2003

Christy is on my living room floor right now, probably not sleeping, because she is sleeping on this tiny, narrow 4 foot long couch cushion set upon the floor since our couch is tiny and she didn't want to scrunch up. I felt really bad saying good-night since I was going off to my bed, my full-length twin sized bed. I felt really guilty, like I was eating in front of a starving person.

But I am glad Christy is here, even though I don't really have adequate sleeping conditions for guests. Tonight we went to the Sidewalk Cafe to see Jaymay perform, and she was really good. Some of the songs she performed had some lines that were a little too saccharine for my tastes, but those occasional problems were cancelled out by her singing. She has such an amazing voice these days. She has always had a good one, but lately, she has a lot better control over it and it sounds fucking awesome. Man, the melodic humming that she does conjures up idealized depictions of lullabies being sung, and you feel all right, because that's the purpose of lullabies to make you feel so, that everything is all right.

It is an amazing thing to see someone improve so much. I have seen Jaymay play numerous times here in my past six months here in New York, saw her play when it was still just two songs at the Monday open mics, and then she was really good, but now, she is a lot more comfortable performing and delivers the lines in the songs just right. She practiced. And that is how things are made great, by a devotion to your craft. And watching her, I thought about my own artisic production, my lack of it, and I chided myself for not being disciplined enough to ever write anything meaningful, to not create in general, to instead, just be a consumer, and at most times not even a critical one. I see lots of art. I go to galleries just about every week, but I don't even formulate criticism of this art that could pass as anything near what using my critical thinking capacities should be able to produce. I say, "That's hot!" to art that I like, because that is easy, and conveys my love without me having to explain my love. Consume. Consume.

Things will change, and this is how they will work: I will write meaningful stuff. I will revise it and rewrite. I will practice and practice, and then I will show it to you, and you will produce meaningful criticism. And then you'll show me your stuff, and I'll produce meaningful criticism. It will be so great.

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