Last night, Joe called me tragic. This was in reference to my tendency to become outrageously infatuated with people that are not interested in me (that, or they are not gay), and even after I know that they are not interested in me to still carry this torch and obsessively long over them, having my ego smashed over and over again with each slight. Maybe I like that pang in my chest when I am slighted. Maybe that is the whole purpose of the routine, to feel emotions physically, to get high.
Man, why is this how my relationships with boys have always been, developing huge crushes on boys that don't like me? When will I have a crush on a boy that likes me? Or better yet, when will a boy have a crush on me? I can't contantly be giving all my energy to lifting up the masses, to inflating everyone's sense of self, but my own. The key word is teamwork. We all need to help out if we are to make it, to get off this island alive.