Monday, December 11, 2006

After work, I went to the Princeton Review to fill out my timesheet and was told that work was going to be starting again there probably tomorrow or the next day. And so I will probably be working a bunch, which will probably ruin the plans I had laid out for myself today at work. There was nothing to do all day and so I looked at talks, readings, and movies that I want to go to this week. I looked at the train schedule to go to Beacon this weekend to go to Dia, and hopefully that will still happen, but if there is work, I imagine I'll probably be scheduled all weekend.

But I came home today to a package from Akashic Books on my steps and got so excited because I knew they were copies of Userlands, the book I have a story in that comes out in a couple weeks. I ran upstairs, very giddy, and the only analogy I can think of, one that seems so right, is that it was like opening your college acceptance letter. I was so giddy and excited that I was unable to open the envelope and finally just ripped at it to get it open.

Yes, I am excited to have something published and very grateful, but after a few minutes, I already became slightly critical. The book itself is slighty ugly and I haven't read any of the stories yet, have just skimmed over some of the text, and while a couple of the writers sound really good, a lot of them, not surprisingly, sound like what you would expect from fans of Dennis Cooper, the editor. But I am the most critical person ever, so take that with more than a grain of salt. I also cringed rereading a couple of my sentences, the distance of a year already enough to let me be distant enough to recongize some of it as fake, inorganic. But, again, I am very excited still, and this is just impetus to write better and find my way into better publications.

So I was already very giddy, but knew that I should call Rich this afternoon both because I didn't want too call to late after getting his number, and also because if I put it off until tomorrow, I would have spent all day at work tomorrow freaking out, wondering what I should say on the phone, which is also what I did today at work in addition to adding things to my calendar. I was so nervous - so, so nervous. I kept squealing and putting down my phone every time I contemplated saying "Hi Rich." I get so nervous calling people, and finally I just pressed "Talk," and gave myself no other option but to call him. He was friendly and at work. He said we could get a drink Wednesday or Thursday and then asked me about Pinochet. It was nice, brief, and I was fairly under control for the phone call, made no major gaffes. I love his voice, his inflections, his timbre. I know this is not going to work out, that it can't, because I like him too much and don't even know him. I am not sure why I like him so much since I really know nothing about him and have talked to him for maybe five minutes total in my life. I just think there is something revealed in his voice and smile, enough to let me know that he is a really good person. Eek! Hopefully, I won't be scheudled to work when he wants to get together.

There is another boy's number that I got after that Butt party, but it was because I told him I wanted to be flesh and blood friends on Myspace, and so he gave me his number. But I am not sure if he wants to be friends or friends of the flesh. And I just can't deal with any more nervousness tonight, so I might just not call him. I told him my phone number also, so if he really wants, he can call. Also that boy I made out with briefly, Michael, has not called, and I was really expecting him to. In other news, I am boy crazy!

No comments:

Post a Comment