Friday, December 15, 2006

snipe hunting

Another year is soon coming to a close and I am thinking about this from the living room of my third floor apartment in Brooklyn, no one else home, and I am thinking about what it is I am doing with this life of mine, and thus my posting here in this diaryland diary, posting here because I had been rereading all these sad diary entries I had written from Sarasota.

I want to make a promise to you, this world wide web, because I want to make a promise to myself, and really I tend to honor the ones with myself, but maybe if I do it with you, promise this vague collection of data something, that maybe I will be more motivated to hold to that promise.

And so, I am going to try to get myself back to certain things. I am turning in notice at my job that I am quitting as soon as the holidays are over. But more importantly, I am going to write a book. Or at least that's the goal. If it ends up as a short story of length, that too is okay, so long as I actually write the thing. Tonight, I am going to sketch out an outline for the thing. It is going to deal with themes that I have been wanting to deal with for a while. The main framework is going to be through my crush on Ben of a couple of years ago and deal with loneliness and searching for something, thinking that thing is a boy. And then it is going to look back at this character, me none too well disguised, as a kid, at Cub Scout camp going on a snipe hunt. Snipe Hunting is tentatively the title of this work. The other alternative title is Ben.

I am really good at thinking up all these details, like the title, but not so good as the making the actual thing that would be called by this title. And so tonight, an outline will be sketched, and then tomorrow and the next day and the next day and on and on, the thing will be written. This is my promise to you, to myself.

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