I just sat through a bunch of queer short films and it was a really nice experience. In between the two screening events I went to this evening, I found out that I am going to be the nutcracker still, that I do have a job to look forward to, for a month at least, and that I can postpone for a little while longer worries about employment and making money.
During the second event, which was curated by Butt Magazine, there were so many amazing films shown. My favorite though (unsurprisingly) was "ITSOFOMO" by David Wojnarowicz. Wojnarowicz is one of my heroes and one of my artistic idols and to get to hear him saying things with a white-hot intensity was electrifying. I want to go back and reread Close to the Knives. I wish I had not sold my copy of the book, that I still had it, and could reread it tonight. It was so good, so urgent, so passionate, and it made me want to approach things as intensely, to start making art as if these are end times (and maybe they are) and remove this idea that there is a lifetime to make great art, to do so now. I am so excited in a way I haven't been in a while.
I then fooled around with this angelic looking boy that I am really attracted to. He told me my penis was perfect as he sucked it. I went down on him. And the entire thing was nice, totally physical, and sweet in a way distinct from most other random sexual encounters. I stopped it because I was leaving and because we were on a chair in the back of the lobby area, pretty exposed. Again we said that we should hook up soon - vague intentions and plans to have a threesome with his boyfriend sometime.
Then, excited about all of these things, about the idea of creation and of life, I came here, home. I am satisfied in the right ways and so hungry, so unsatisfied, in the right ways.