Monday, November 19, 2007

There were some events this weekend, on Friday and Saturday, that made me feel a bit pathetic, a bit undesirable. The usual sorts of things - trying to hit on boys and failing. There was one really spectacular failure at Metropolitan on Friday night. And so this is the background, the need, very strong at this point, for some sort of validation. And last night, I sought it and got it.

I went to this slutty party for the MIX festival at Boysroom and encountered quite a few crushes, made out with all of them and more. It was nice to be hit on by lots of cute boys, though displays perhaps a lack of a strong emotional constitution on my own part in deriving satisfaction, gratification, from the attention of others. I told four boys there that I wanted to hang out with them soon, and if I actually went about this could have a full week ahead of me, but probably won't, got the thing I needed at that point, some validation and some sexual release, washed away thoughts of other things, insecurities.

Today, I was going to try to get back to past places and did not do so, am going to again say tomorrow, tomorrow, and maybe one of these tomorrows will hold to these resolutions, objectives, set the night before.

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