Friday, January 2, 2004

I woke up yesterday, on the first day of this new year at 2004, reasonably bright and early, considering that I went to bed late and drunk on New Year's Eve, and I put on good music, looked out my kitchen window at the first light of this year and rejoiced. Rejoiced because two of my good friends were asleep on my living room and I woke them up, brought them into 2004.

One day before that, on New Year's Eve, I was at work so happy, high, literally high on coffee and could not hold in my sense of jubulation that time was moving, we were on the cusp of something new, and man, imagine all the things that could occur, all the amazing things that had. So hold on tight, tight, and grasp at every object of beauty. The sun sets really early up here during this time of year, and during my lunch on the eve of 2004, I could already see the sun setting behind office buildings, high rises, apartments. I grasped at it, told a couple of my co-workers to be quick, to catch those last rays of this year. Things are constantly ending, we recieve news that people we have known have died, one year closes, and all we can do is grasp at the beauty that does surround us before it fades, before it scatters off to other states and counties.

This year, I cut off ties with my dying father for the most part. I was kicked out of school, and I moved away from my closest friends in this world, I moved away from the best community I ever lived in, moved from the Sunshine State to New York where I knew one person. I moved for no real reason in particular other than I knew that it was time for something new. And each one of those fucking moments, and all the moments in between them, the downtime, I loved, I fucking loved so much. And in nostalgic moments (the start of a new year, for example), I think back on those things, think of biking on my crappy bike down 41 to the Best Western, which was the easiest job I ever had, and where I encountered so many people, new people coming in every day from all over, occasionally giving me glimmers of wisdom. Stealing subs from Publix, glossy magazines from Barnes and Nobles, and taking the loot to the beach where they were consumed under a gorgeous sun, on white sand next to clear, warm water. Dancing under stars to music I liked. Living room sing-a-longs to Jamie's guitar. Citrus trees. Starfruit.

And I arrived here with all my worldy possesions stuffed into two bags. I have lived in Red Hook, and three apartments in Williamsburg. I have a job, health insurance, and am going about the process of creating a community of friends here in New York. I have seen shows that made me excited about visual art, about music, and even more importantly, these works, these performaces, have also got me excited about the process of life, have made me thrilled at the sight of sunrays, of someone singing along to their headphones as walk down the street, as they pass me in a state of bliss, making me see the possibility of my own bliss is never that far away as I will sometimes imagaine on days where I am feeling lethargic and do not do enough activities, do not take this project of life as seriously as it demands of us.

December 30th, I was too tired to go out with Beki. Inspired by a story Peter told me, I have resolved to not to not anything because I am too ired. I am in Brooklyn, yes, but sleep can wait. And so after partying all New Year's Eve at Sterling's, kissing a boy briefly, seeing firewords from a rooftop, and dancing, I woke up with a few hours of sleep and a smile on my face, and headed off to Coney Island with Rebecca, Beki, and Christy for the New Year's day Polar Bear event. We got there after the big jump but Beki, Rebecca, and I still jumped into the freezing water. And it was fun. The March Band, a ragtag marching band, played and danced. It was an awesome sight. The sun was already lowering. People were fishing. A homeless sage in the public bathroom wished me a happy new year and told me I was a good guy. And I loved it. There are all these things to do. So many moments that I am going to live through.


1. Never not do anything because you are tired.
2. Sleep less
3. Apply for new jobs
4. Go to school
5. Get a part-time internship on days off or volunteer
6. Write gorgeous things
7. Make friends
8. Smile and be kind

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