Some days, I have the joy. Today was not one of them. The day started out well. I listened to Bjork's Post on the way to work, an album that I have not listened to in an insanely long time. Bjork used to be such a source of joy for me in high school and my first year of college, but like everything, she was subject to the whims of time, and she was no longer the sure source of joy. But today, this morning on the subway, that unrestrained happiness in her voice, the burps and squeaks of joy - it had its effect.
I went into work so happy. I am not sure how long this lasted, or exactly at what point it switched to something else, but I was cranky and irritable later at work. I find myself constantly tired unless I drink six cups of coffee a day, which I should continue to do because it makes me happy and productive. There are a couple of factors at work in the unhappiness of today. Let us examine them in turn:
1. My Job: Today, I dealt with a few unpleasant people. I had to do some unpleasant chores at work, and I realized that I am tired of working at the Strand, some days it is fun, but days, like today, unstimulated, I know that I need to find a new job, or at least some activity on my days off to keep me coasting through my days at the Strand. My new year's resolution was to find a mentally stimulating and satisfying form of employment. I have been negligent in searching for jobs. This will change because my job is contributing to my unhappiness.
2. My Diet: A co-worker randomly asked me, "What do you eat?" And I replied, "Cereal, coffee, pizza, beer." This is my diet and I am putting not only bad things into my body, but nothing good. When I eat healthy, I feel it in my spirits. I want to cite my especially outrageous diet these past couple of days as one of the reasons of my unhappiness. I am going to eat healthier.
3. My Finances: Oy. Thinking about all of the various bills I have to pay makes me stressed. This is problem is slightly related to Factor in Unhappiness #1. I need to get ahead of the bills curve.
4. My Lack of Physical Movement: It is cold outside, so I don't really do much walking, don't really do anything outside. I cannot afford a gym membership now (see Factor in Unhappiness #3). I haven't been dancing in way too long. The only exercise I get is at work, and that, is not enough to keep those happy chemicals flowing through my body.
And I am sorry for whining, for being one of those people. Trust me, I am not. I am going to work on things to make sure of that. Thank god for music. Thank god for headphones, and yes, Bjork does sing a similar ode on Post, and yes, she is right, music is my one sure source of happiness these days, that and too much coffee. I will work on combining the two. It will be beautiful. Tomorrow, I will be. Maybe a colon cleanser will help things? Maybe if I chop off my hair?