Rain and wind, strong winds, cold winds. Hands numb, face wet, still happy. The weather, aside from today, has been lovely. I just came home from the Tate Modern, which was really nice and most of the galleries were hung really well, aside from the Surrealist stuff - messy and too busy, much like surrealism itself - perhaps intentional. I got lost watching a Jonas Mekas video diary, "Walden," from the late sixties I believe. It was beautiful and spoke to me in a way nothing else there came close to doing. It was a bunch of quick cuts, all making me nostalgic, for moments I have lived, moments I have yet to, and moments I never will. It also furthered a resolve I have gotten here to take my life more seriously, to write and spend time alone and do things that mean things to me and with people that do. It was so fantastic, this work, and hit at lots that I care about, lots of what any art I might make would hit on also, the recording of one's life and making something out of that, finding the thing that is there, in doing so making it.
I have been going out a fair bit here to some nice bars, talking to cute Europeans, nice accents. It is also nice to be among these nice British boys, David, Sky, and Toby. It is also nice to grab David and make him giggle nervously, to sleep next to him, with him. I went to my first bathhouse yesterday, went with Toby, and had a really fantastic time - swam, sat in the steamroom, played with a bunch of men in a darkroom, fucked by some guy in a booth, and then had a lovely threesome with this really sweet and sexy married couple.
It is weird to be here and to be myself at moments, to be in a land I don't know and in a land where apparently I don't even know how to order coffee. It is a humbling and thrilling feeling. It has made me completely fearless about talking to anyone and that is another thing I am going to try to take home with me, this freedom and lack of inhibition. Here, I don't know anyone and so don't really care too much about the impression I may make on them, on that I will see this person again and things may be awkward. It is such a bullshit fear and way of thinking and I am really happy to experience this freedom and excited about taking it back with me.
This video said everything and I only sat through part of it, but a long part nonetheless. People came and left, groups and groups, as they do when looking at video art in a museum, checking it out for a minute, getting an idea of the thing and then moving on. I could not get up, did not want to. It was so fantastic.
I had another emotional experience yesterday looking at the Rosetta Stone and the Greek antiquities in the British museum. It was totally different aside from its impact, flooring me and making me feel open and part of something and alive.