Friday, December 20, 2002

new college is dead

I wrote the following email Wednesday afternoon after checking my evaluations online.


I did not sat Russian Fiction. I am a little surprised by this. But, I guess this means that I have also unsated by contract, and now I am considering my options as of what to with myself. I really do not want to be in school until next spring semester, and so, I am pretty certain that I am not going to enroll next semester and am just going to work here, save up money, and move somewhere fun with nice people. Thanks for all your help this semester, sorry for being such a mess.


Written today (Friday) by Miriam Wallace in response to the above e-mail

Well, this is all too bad, but it sounds like you've made a functional decision for yourself. I really don't see you managing to get through the hoops here in just two semesters, not with work you'd be happy about and your faculty would feel good about. Why not take some time off and think about what you really want to do with yourself? You can probably finish up a degree many places much faster than what it would take to finish it here--remember the credits for completed courses will transfer, and someday when you're ready and more focused you may find it pretty quick to clock in the necessary credit hours and get the piece of paper if it turns out you need it. (I know plenty of people who went back only when they needed a degree for the work they were doing and who got through in record time then.)

Anyway, the evaluations are pretty clear and helpful in identifying what went wrong I think, for what it's worth.



And now, I just to need to figure out the particulars, of how I am going to go about living my life. And now I am in the position of Benjamin Braddock without having even graduated, with my life ahead of me and no plans whatsoever. I talked to my friend from high school tonight on the phone and she is getting married next year. And she is going the way of the movie, following the plot - and running off into the sunset with a beau does sound appealing, but there are numerous problems with that ending, namely my lack of a beau.

So where is this text going to go - how is this scene to play out? Well the author has been trying to craft the next bit of plot for the past couple of days, and is suffering from a bit of writer's block, of life block - of what the hell am I going to do with myself.

The now what? questions of Benjamin and Elaine on the bus and wondering what to do next, now what? are here, and I am not really sure what the answers are. But I guess no one ever is and that is the point. These questions were bound to rear their head eventually - the timing has just been sped up a little by recent events.

And I don't want to be another casualty of New College, hanging around Sarasota not really doing anything with my life. I need to move, move, move - need to live.

My sister was sitting at the table today, casually eating dry cereal and asking what she could do, saying she was bored.

-What I can I do with my day?

-No. What can you do with your life?

-No, I'm just bored, I want to do something.

-Exactly. Today is your life. This right here is your life.

And it started off jokingly, but what I was saying was sincere and though what I said was vocalized and directed at my sister, it was more of an interior monologue with myself, to live, to do something with myself. The plan as of now:

-Go back to Sarasota on Jan.2, work at the Best Western, find another job too (preferaby as a waiter).

-Tell mom that I unsated and that I am dropping out, and that this is okay.

-Save up as much money as possible by working mad hours for a few months.

-Find someone to take over lease and move out and then this is where the now what? questions really have no answer. Here are the possible options I have been brainstorming these past couple of days.

-Buy plane ticket to Israel and work on a kibbutz. This is the coolest seeming option right now.

-Find a place abroad (preferably Japan) where I can teach English. I found lots of cool schools in Japan but they all require a degree, which obviously I do not posess. So keep looking and try to find one that is a little more lax in their requirements. Shouldn't be too hard.

-Move to NY with saved money and start living. Find job, party hard, and rock out.

So as they say, stay tuned.

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