Friday, July 16, 2004

There are few more frustrating feelings in this world than the feeling that you have wasted your time, waited an hour for something and did not even get to do it, but had you been willing to wait an hour more you could have. And two hours is certainly too long a time to wait to get into a show, but so is one hour and that hour was already lost, so really, what would have been another hour?

I am talking about the massively crowded show at Volume last night. The email confirmation I got telling me I was on the guestlist said to get there at 7:30, that they expected a massive line, and I ignored that, thinking it was one of those warnings no one heeded. As such, I got there shortly after eight with Joe and saw a line stretching down the block from the entrance, a really long line. We got to the end of it to see that that was not the end of it, not at all, that it went around the corner and stretched down the entire length of a city block. We got to the end, only to discover that that was also not the true end, that the line again turned around a corner and went about half way down the block. So basically the line took up three sides of a city block, and you know how people talk about Williamsburg, how it is so hip and cool and filled with nothing but young, pretty hipsters. This is not always clearly apparent. Last night, however, it was. The area around Volume was a surreal Never Neverland, nothing but young twenty somethings with nice haircuts and tight jeans occupying the streets, the sidewalks. It was an amazing spectacle, all these human bodies, all of them my peers, most of them probably intelligent and able. It was also more than a little intimidating at first.

We saw some people in the middle of the line we knew, but I was afraid to cut and so we went to the end of the line. After about ten minutes in line, some officials told the line that the event was sold out and they wer only letting in people on the guestlist. About half the line left at this point and I felt very special to be on the guestlist, felt slightly cooler than all those people that had intimidated me and who were not going to be able to get in to the show. The line then started to move slowly, slowly, slowly around the corners and I saw Matt, a new co-worker, who was not in line and told him and his friend that they could join us since we were on the list. I kept on seeing people I knew passing by, and kept talking to them. Events like these are so funny to me where everyone in the world is at them, and where you run into people you know, roommates, co-workers, friends on these streets of New York, these streets we were led to believe were busy and anonymous before we actually moved here and started running into people we knew everywhere.

When we were only about fifteen people away from the door, the line suddenly came to a halt with the fire department there ready to shut it down for overcrowding, and it was soon a policy of one person out, one person in. And of course, no one is going to leave the show right after it starts, and so we were stuck there, immobile. Slowly the people we had collected and told to join us in line all departed, tired of waiting and I thought back to that time I waited in the cold to see the Fiery Furnaces, in an immobile line and never even got in. It seemed like it was going to be a very similar situation. After about an hour and half in line, Joe and I called it quits, telling Dara and her friends who had just joined us to use our names to get in.

After leaving, while walking home, we got a call from Christy, who was just leaving the event because she was lucky and actually got in. We wandered through the Feast of the Giglio street fair by my neighborhood before going back to my apartment to hang out. Christy got a picture of herself with a Unicorn. This morning, Dara told me that she waited in line for another hour but got in, and the bands she saw were good. She also picked up all these exciting promo CD's that I have been listening to today. Niki got to see the Unicorns play. And I am a little sad that I did not get to see any of the bands play, that I did not even get to see one play, and that we were so close to where they cut off the line, and that I was late in meeting Joe, and that we didn't cut in line, and on and on.

I got drunk really easily last night, eventually went to Metropolitian with Christy, Joe, and Peter. I flirted with some old man from Chelsea who is basically in charge of updating He gave me a cupcake and was really nice. That was before Peter and I wrestled in the middle of the bar, provoking claps and cheers from patrons of the bar. Chelsea Man, scandalized, then told Joe I was crazy. But I had all this energy that I was expecting was going to get outlet at the rock show, but that didn't happen. I got some of it out last night dancing and wrestling. But there is still so much. Maybe I will go out and dance tonight. That probably still won't solve it. There will always be some, looking for an outlet, and I am happy about that, never want the source to dry up. I sat on my neighbor's roof for a few minutes last night while Peter was smoking and the sky was lovely, this Brooklyn night sky. And everything about this life is beautiful. I was so happy on my roof last night, thinking about my life and how beautiful things are when I allow them to be, when I don't resist it. I am seeing this more and more, reseeing this. There was a long stretch of time, this past winter and spring when I was sort of lacking spirit, not recognizing things I normally had, not having people think I am crazy, and it is coming back to me, some source of energy, and excitement toward the act of living. I have been making banter with customers in the Strand who normally I would not have in my sullenness. I am digging through Au Bon Pain's trash when I get off work each night for yummy pastries and occasionally sharing them with panhandlers on the subway. And when I get off the subway, most important of all, when I see that first stretch of sky, when I look to my right and see the parking lot right behind Kellog's Diner, I see those couple of trees in the back of the lot that always look stunning against the stretch of sky that is there, especially if it is near dusk. This sight is one of my favorite sights in New York. I am going to take a picture of it. I am going to take pictures of all my favorite daily sights and share them with you.

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