Saturday, January 1, 2005

No competition. Without a doubt, last night was the worst New Year's ever. So I went to this silent meditation thing at a yoga center downtown with Joe that was supposed to culminate with chanting at midnight. There were so many people there, all silent, and it was so hot. I was pouring sweat and unable to concentrate on anything, slowly losing my mind, and I decided that no, I did not want to ring in my New Year's like this. I could not find Joe in the mess of people, but did not care, just had to get out of there fast, so at 11:40, I found myself on the streets of the east village by myself, and feeling horribly alone. I decided to go just to a crowded gay bar where I wouldn't notice my loneliness and headed toward the Cock. On my way there I saw a drunk man pissing, and his penis was so large, and it solidified my decision to go ring in the New Year like a slut.

However, I get to the Cock and there are seriously five or six people in there. I ran back outside so quickly and walked around the streets, not knowing what to do with myself, thinking how bad an omen it was to ring in the New Year's by myself. I was walking down Second Avenue and I heard noisemakers from parties in apartments, large cheers, and the honking of taxi horns. I was relieved, so glad that the moment had come and gone, that there was no longer this anticipation for midnight, and I walked by a psychic, Mary Lee, and decided to get a palm reading on New Year's.

This is terrible idea #2 of the evening. The first one was thinking that I would want to sit silently still on New Year's for a couple hours. She tells me that I am going to have a long life, am going to live to be 86 or 87. But she also tells me that I am going to be lonely my whole life, that I cannot relate to other people, cannot allow them to get close to me because I am a male body with female emotions. Yep, that's right, a male body with female emotions, and as a result, I can get close to neither males nor females. She also said that I have had three past lives, and been very religious in them. She also said that I was empty, that there's nothing in my area 3 (my stomach/heart according to the diagram she showed me) and that people saw that I was empty and that's why I would never be able to get close to other people. She also said that I have artistic energy that I don't use.

When you are feeling horribly lonely after just ringing in the New Year by yourself, the last thing you want to hear is a psychic you paid ten dollars to, tell you that you are going to have a terribly lonely life. I was so shocked and wanted to cry, left the psychic, finally got in touch with Joe, grabbed a strong drink at Phoenix and then went to Metropolitan to meet up with Peter. Once at Metropolitan, Joe left me to go talk to some old man, and I sat outside by myself and some 37 year old man, Chris, came up to talk to me. I still remember his name, however, he could not remember my name at all during the conversation, asked me three times. He told me he was writing a novel and I maliciously imagined how horrible it probably was. I was excited just to have someone to talk to, even if he was a lecherous old man. I think he was lying about his age also. He seemed much closer to 50. But after he repeatedly asked me what my name was over and over again, I lost it, and got up and interrupted Joe's conversation, and told him and whoever he was talking to that I was not talking to that scary old man anymore. Finally Peter arrived. I drank until five with him, failing to get miserably drunk and then went home. But yes, worst New Year's ever.

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