Wednesday, January 26, 2005


Last night, after drinking beer with Ethan, I found myself heading out to Long Island City again to piss down the same guy's throat. This time, I brought music for the long train ride out there. It is really close to where I live, it is just that I have to take two of the slowest trains in the world to get out there, and so end up waiting about twenty minutes just for each train to come. The G and the 7, just in case you were curious. I am sure you already knew the G was one of them. It is always the G that people trash talk. But yes, this time, I came prepared with Joy Division's Substance to make waiting for these trains bearable.

Waiting on the platform for the 7, watching the snow start to fall, listening to this music, holding my bladder, knowing that I couldn't pee before I get there, I felt different, as if some sort of idea of New York, of youthful poverty was finally starting to realize itself, that a new life was emerging, one so distinct from my other one in this same city, and thinking about that, about how many different types of lives are lead here, I wondered how many more I would get to try on, how many more I wanted to, and what was the one I desired from the rack.

Waiting on this platform never had this view, the one of last night; I am not sure if this is because of Joy Division that everything took on an industrial Manchester look, or if it was because I was about to piss on someone for money to be able to eat. You may think I am lying but I think it probably had more to do with the choice of music. I took off my headphones when I got to his office. He was the only one still there among all those cubicles except for the night guard downstairs. People has pictures of family members, of significant others pinned up to their cubicles, there were cut out articles and comic strips, stress balls, all of it. We went into the stairwell. He knelt down and I pissed and pissed and pissed down his throat. Halfway through, he gagged and spit out pee, not being able to swallow so much. I held my pee back and my dick over him, ready to piss more down his throat. He took my cock in his mouth and looked up to me with watering, pained eyes. I looked down at him, enjoying the look in his, his prostrate position, and tried my best to look like I couldn't care less and let my bladder go again.

Joy Division got me home, and once home, I started to cuddle with Ethan because we were sharing a bed, a twin bed, and you have to cuddle on those, otherwise you will be uncomfortable all night, trying not to make too much body contact. And I felt my boner start to press againt his leg, and maybe he felt it too. Because soon we were kissing, and soon our underwear came off, and it was pretty nice to sleep close to another male body.

Today, I went around doing errands, listening to Joy Division, stepping in time to the aggressive rhythms, stepping in melting snow puddles, and not feeling them.

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