Thursday, June 1, 2006

Wow, looking at this date that shows up on this page, I am surprised for some reason that it is June already. It seems like it was New Year's not that long ago. Time is really flying by me. I am so excited that it is summer, even if not officially, at least in spirit. That hot Memorial Day weekend was amazing, and while it was nice to be outside in that weather, to wander the streets dazed and horny, flesh and the heat of the street being mistaken for the heat of bodies, it was a little painful inside my apartment, tossing and turning at night, trying to slow my breathing enough to drastically cool off enough to sleep. I love every aspect of the heat but that, the restlessness when you want to rest.

On June 9, one of my favorite bands, Young People, is playing at Tonic, and since I missed their last two shows and regretted it, I am definitely going to go to this one, despite that I will probably be broke that day because that is the day I am mailing my rent check.

Last night was a veritable rage fest for a good hour. I for some reason watched a bit of "To Catch a Predator," which made me foam at the mouth with rage. And I knew it would, having seen commercials for this show and being enraged just by those. The setup of the show for those that don't know is that it is presented under the cloak of a news special, although what it really is, is voyeurism and prudishness and moral righteousness all rolled into one ugly ball as these news producers pretend to be a 14 year old girl and then have some older man come meet them at their house for sex, only to be ambushed by a team of cameras and shamed. Then, they let these people think that their public shaming was their only punishment, and let them walk back to their car, at which point, they are tackled by a team of police officers.

It is all so tacky and unnecessary. There is no reason that they can't be arrested inside the house, or by simply handcuffing them except for the fact that that does not make good television (read bad). It's so unprofessional. Even when the people see the police coming after them, freeze and put their hands high up, the police still tackle them to the ground. It is totally outrageous. I don't see how this doesn't qualify as entrapment. And while no, these are not shining examples of humanity that they are shaming, they also shouldn't be shamed and tackled because of this. These aren't people yanking girls off the street. These are people chatting online with girls, girls who have plenty of agency, and who allow these men to come over, tell them their address. This show was making me unreasonably angry, and so was the noise of repetitive, house shaking barking, and so I called 311 to complain for what seemed like the hundredth time about these pitbulls from hell that live behind me, only to spend half an hour on the phone with them in a rage. This, followed by talking to my landlord who was harassing about my roommate's rent, which she has still yet to get, and which I had assumed had been mailed. I followed this by bitching to Ethan about all of this for a bit.

Then I watched the conclusion of "The Age of AIDS" on PBS, which was amazing. This, followed by more Sopranos, and I realized something about my own self and others, something about human beings, watching Tony start venting to everyone around him, treating them as his therapist since Melfi wasn't seeing him at the time, that this was what I was just doing to the 311 operator and to Ethan, this venting, this monologue of rage that doesn't care in the slightest to make it a dialogue, and actually gets annoyed when other concerns are introduced to the ragefest.

I don't think (in fact, I know) that right now I do not have enough outlets for energy, that I am finding myself so easily annoyed by things and giving monologues whenever I do run into people. I don't know. I need to find some way to start exercising. I hate my bike, but I think I might have start to using that shit.

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