Tuesday, July 9, 2002

they only know as much as you tell them

I didn't go out with Bonnie tonight to go hang out with the PIRGers because I was in a sit at home and not get hammered mood, even though I am drinking Cabernet right now. Bonnie opened the bottle and well, I just cannot resist an open bottle of wine.

Instead of going out with her, I was supposed to go jogging. And, I tried. But sometimes, my left knee makes this weird clicking noise each time I land on it, that sort of signals to me that something is happening to my knee and so maybe I shouldn't jog right now. So after a little more than two blocks, I stopped jogging, scared of the clicking noise, scared that I was doing damage to my knees. I could hear the voices of far too many lazy friends who don't like to jog, saying that they would if it wasn't so bad for their knees. And, I always hear their lazy warnings each time I hear that clicking noise, and usually decide to stop. Tonight was one such night. I wish there was something else I could do to get that jogging high. I cannot get it from just walking, or even from doing something else really active. Jogging is such a religious experience sometimes, where you really do quit thinking about everything and just become some body in motion, some mass of energy in communion with other masses of energy, and it feels so great, especially on nights like tonight where things are still damp from the rain, and all the plants have that moist smell. But, oh well. Another night hopefully.

Tonight, I am probably going to try to finish A Wild Sheep Chase. My other option is to write, but I'm real bad at actually sitting down to do that. My stated goal for myself a week or so ago was to write for at least an hour a day (non-journal stuff) since I don't have a job and would actually like to be a writer of some sorts some day, but I'm lazy and usually spend my time doing I don't even know what, some combination of lying around, half-masturbating, reading crap, and eating. No more of that. Tomorrow, I am waking up by nine to go apply for jobs, will be out of the house by 9:30.

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