Thursday, March 28, 2002

"we have to stay to find out who the mystery cum-shooter is!"

so i said to mary, when she got anxy and grossed out and said that we should leave. and she had this morbid fear that she was going to get cum in her hair even though there was no one behind us to jizz in her hair. she was the only girl in the theater.

today, i visited mary's new apartment that she and ty are living in. it was ridicously huge. we then went to the most overpriced goodwill i have ever been to in my short, natural life. a couch was selling for 1,200 dollars. you could buy a new couch for much cheaper.

we then went back to mary's to get trivial pursuit and were headed to the barnside diner to play and eat, but we passed one of this country's few remaining porn theaters, only blocks from her apartment, and she very jokingly suggested we should go there. i made a sharp turn into the parking lot and we were there, both sort of nervous and scared about attending a porn movie, and all the possibly sleazy guys we would see jacking off. the movie didn't start for half an hour. we played trivial in the car while waiting and then went and bought tickets. or i bought a ticket. the sleazy old man who was hitting on mary told her that she got in for free.

and then we sat down to visons of x 2, which i consider a piece of high art. mary was sort of disgusted by it, and did not share the same opinion of it as me. we sat towards the back and talked throughout the whole movie, analyzing its merits and the hottness and techniques of its stars. people in the theater were playing musical chairs and kept switching seats and leaving and coming back and we still don't understand why.

the film itself was the best film i have seen so far this year. no joke. i have not seen a movie that has made me think so much in a while. the movie ripped off the genre parodying technique that scream employed to critique the standard practices and plots of horror films. this porn did this in the brief parts that gave the movie some plot between the long, boring fuck scenes. we missed the beginning of the movie, but when we came in, a mystery cum-shooter had just came on some naked girl on the kitchen counter and the people in the house were discussing who it could have been. there was the pizza boy who was the first suspect because he was a pizza boy and they are always popping up in pornos. and then there was a guy named "dick" who was the next suspect because obviously that is a porn name. and then there were occasional shots of a man in bed and the words, "sketchy character," would blink at the bottom of the screen. we stayed to find out who the mystery cum-shooter was and we never found out. the movie ended after a couple had had sex, and were lying in bed - the guy watching porn on tv. the woman said, "it's 4 am, why don't you turn that off, and go to bed." and he said something about wanting to see the end. and she said, "you know porns never have any closure." fade to black and then the credits abruptly started rolling. how awesome an ending is that? after we left the theater i tried to engage mary in a discussion about the meaning and the artistic merits of this film, but she was still grossed out and saw it as low-class trash. but man, i think it was so intelligent and that the long, cheesy, almost tedious sex scenes were part of the film's sendup of porn tactics. but mary thought i was just reading to much into what was a bad porno. maybe.

we then went to the library, so i could make copies of my tax forms. i then found some dvd's i wanted to check out. it was 8:59 and they were closing at 9, and i did not have a city of alexandria library card. i, at one point in time, had a fairfax library card, and i don't even have a virginia lisence anymore, i have a florida one, but the woman was real nice, and gave me a card because i made her laugh.

then we finally made it to barnside and played trivial. i won. then i took mary to pick up ty from his job. ty was weird and nice to me and told me that he wanted me to come hang out with them, because i told him i was going home to clean my room (which my mom told me to do today). and he seemed offended that i wasn't going to, and its so weird when someone is real nice to you that you think hates you and that you also think is sort of an asshole. he then told me about a guy he had a crush on. and what, is he showing a vulnerable side? how weird.

anyways, i finally left. and my mom has since told me that our relatives are no longer coming down tomorrow, so i do not have to clean my room tonight, and now i have three movies to choose from watching courtesy of the city of alexandria. the choices are: 2001: a space odyssey, lonesome dove, and rear window. all of them will probably put me to sleep since i am so tired right now but that is okay because falling asleep to a movie is quite possibly one of the most comforting feelings in the world.

oh- and tonight me and mary were driving up a hill a little after dusk, and as we got up it, holy fucking shit, look at that moon. it was the hugest i had ever seen - a little above the horizion, and it was like it is in silly movies where people kiss in front of a full moon. huge and yellow and terrifically humbling.

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