Monday, April 1, 2002

b83 or b84 - i can't remember right now

yesterday, i was in a morbid mood, acting like all good brooding 16 year olds of the world are supposed to, fearing the big d.

today, i say: brooding is for suckers! today, i am happy and happy.

quote that i read last night in tropic of cancer that i loved, but of course there was no pen to be found in the immediate vicinity (arms's reach) of my bed. but the quote really changed my mood when i read it, and is the root of this mood that i am feeling right now: "above all, never despair. il ne faut jamais despeserer."

i went to the doctor this morning to get some blood tests and i felt so alive on the way there - present tense living.

that is what being able to wear a t-shirt will do to you. feeling wind and cool grace over my skin.

i popped in chris isaak's "heart shaped world" tape, which i snagged from goodwill when i went there with mary.

it was the first time i listened to it. NEW music is always great. sometimes all the soul needs is a little R n' R. and no, not rest and relaxation. i'm talking about the rock and fucking roll variety - the kind of music that soothes the soul. right, bob seger?

maybe i'm so depressed at work because of Muzak easy listening songs which i know about all of the words to - songs which no one should know the words to

tedium of routine also - spririt numbing

Fresh AIR is also part of reason. same small store everyday.

tapes are wonderfully circular. you get to the end and you are right back at the beginning

giving blood felt great - it takes a cut to make you feel alive - blood into vial - my blood - it felt good - and is this the fetishization of death and near death that people critique popular culture for?

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