Thursday, May 16, 2002

everybody does it, she said

It's all Sarah's fault.

So, I worked at Blockbuster tonight and was just glancing around behind the counter when I spotted a copy of my favorite movie ever which I am so so obsessed with, and I almost wet myself with excitement. I asked Chris, my manager, the only other person I was working with, if Amelie was out on tape now. He said that it was not out on video - that that was just a screener that they had sent the store - that the actual video doesn't come out for 59 days. I went back to working but was so excited about this Amelie video and wanted to check it out so bad. The night moves on, I eat some Taco Bell, I check out peoples' videos, and then I get a call. It is Sarah, and I tell her what is behind the counter since she also is in love withAmelie, and I tell her how much I want it. And what does little Miss Sarah advise me to do?

"Just take it," she says. She then tells me that people take the screeners home all the time, and that she still has some now from when she worked at Blockbuster. I tell her that Chris, being the strict person he is, will not let me just walk out the door with it. While Chris is in the back, I see if the video goes off in the sensors and it does. Sarah says to just rip off the sensor and take it home, that no one will care, that people do it all the time. I get off the phone with her, and I take the sensor off, really really wanting to own Amelie. To be a materialist pig and to be so so satisfied that I possessed the movie - that I could watch it whenever I so chose. Day or night, mind you.

And as it nears time to close, I stick the video under the waist of my pants, so that it is concealed under my untucked baggy XXL shirt and my pants. Meanwhile my stomach is gassy and bloated from the Taco Bell, and so I have to suck in my stomach so that you couldn't see the outline of the video. Chris counts down my drawer and I stand next to him as he does so, doing my best to suck in my stomach and yet also to appear relaxed and natural. A very tough thing to do. My drawer is over sixty cents. I then start stocking concessions and I hear him start saying, "Shit" over and over. His drawer is short twenty dollars he tells me. And then he says that it might be a while before we leave because he has to figure out what happened to it. I wander around the store, getting very nervous about the video because Chris is getting more and more angry about his short drawer. After about an hour of playing with numbers, he finally gives up, and says that it's time to go.

But wait a second. He starts looking around behind the desk where Amelie was. He asks if I have seen it, that he was going to bring it home, and that something really fucked up is happening. But he didn't say any of this accusatory because he thinks I look like I am twelve - he was just asking me what the hell could have possibly happened to it. Meanwhile, I am trying to act confused and am sucking in my gut like you don't know what - I was so so worried that he would know it was under my shirt. I felt so bad now but really could not take it out of my shirt at this point in time - it was far too late for that - so we looked behind the counter for a couple mintues - him getting more and more pissed off. He asks me if anyone was behind the counter. And I said no, I was shelving videos on the floor but I kept my eye on the counter, I should have seen them. Oh, lies, lies, lies. I was so nervous. He said that he'd just ask Rosemary about it in the morning, to see if she had any theories. And then exasperated, he sighed how much he wanted to see that movie and now he had to wait two months. We left the store and I was sucking in my gut so hard until I got to my car, feeling so so guilty.

I thought that it was just sitting back there, like Sarah said, and that no one was going to watch it, but no, no - and now, Rosemary is going to try to figure it out, which may mean that she is going to look at the surveillance tapes from tonight, in which case she does, I am surely busted, and will be big time fired and hopefully not worse. I think though that the cameras may not even record that area which I am really hoping, because otherwise I don't know what. And Chris, for some reason did not suspect me at all tonight, but I'm sure after he thinks about this all night he will come to the very sensible realization that I was the only other person working and that I must have taken it.

Oh goodness, this is so out of control. And I have to be at work at three tomorrow and I am so scared. I would like to just not show up. But then they would for sure know it was me. I just need to go and pretend that nothing happened. Oh god, Sarah, this is Grade A, the worst advice you ever given me. But at least I have Amelie, and really isn't that all that matters?

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