Wednesday, May 15, 2002

trying to keep faith

Okay, I am so not good at sticking to my guns. I had decided to take a long vacation from d-land, but tonight I just want to whine. Sort of. Goddamnit, motherfuckin shitty shit.

So, I was being a freak, going to the New College web page to look at Marky Mark'swebpage because I am obsessed. And what do I see? Cornel West is speaking at graduation!!! And now I want to go so bad because I am in love with Cornel. But, here's the thing, I already bought my plane ticket from DC to Altanta for May 27 and I think graduation is like May 23, and I can't buy a roundtrip ticket just for graduation because I am trying to save money, but boy oh boy, do I want to see Cornel so bad. I have this really funny picture of me stalking Cornel that I would post here if I had a scanner and was a little more deft with such things. He did lots of stumping for Bill Bradley in NH, and after one of the ralleys, I grabbed him and made him pose for a picture with me because I love him. And I am grinning wildly in the picture and Cornel looks utterly terrified. And I had been wanting him to come talk at New College forever, but I didn't even dare ask the SAC for money since his speaking fee is like $10,000. Why must he come talk the semester I am away? He's so rad. He is definitly one of my idols. My other living idol is Paul Wellstone, who I think is the coolest guy ever. Why are most of the people I idolize dead? And they're all males. I feel sexist or something for not having any female idols. And Bonnie, Wellstone is up for reelection this fall, and so he'll probably do some campaigning this summer and since Minnesota's not that far from Madison, um, maybe, you'll want to take a trip to hear him? Please. Oh, and maybe when can even do some volunteer work for his campaign?

Let's see, what else is new in my life.

-I work about 15 hours a week at Blockbuster with idiots. Dumber then you would believe.
-Because of this job, I have watched an insane amount of movies recently. Tonight I watchedSay Anything and The Ice Storm.
-I was supposed to go out on a "date" with William over the weekend to see Y Tu Mama Tambien. I was feeling like shit after a horrible day of work and canceled. I ended up seeing the movie with Sarah anyways. It was so so awesome and I think it is going to be added to my list of favorite movies.
-I called William today and was so shy and not with it, and the conversation had far too many awkward moments and I just hung up because it was really painful, and so I think my hanging up on him pretty much ends this thing that never was a thing.
-My sister came home from college last week and is supposed to start working at Ben and Jerry's tomorrow. Hopefully, she will give me lots of free ice cream.
-I am all about ice cream as of late. Last night, Sarah and I went to go get malts at the Silver Diner and there was the cutest little waiter there that reminded me so much of Charles. And I'm going to try to make as many trips to the Silver Diner as possible while I am home.
-I've been thinking about death a lot. And when I saw Y Tu Mama, there is this throwaway line that one of the characters says that for some reason still rings in my head. She asks, "Don't you wish you could live forever?" And, I really wanted to cry right then, knowing exactly how she felt to ask that question. And, I am reading this Physics book, which is allaying some of my fears about dying. I shall talk about that all later though. Physics, my dear Watson, is where the answer lies. Goddamn, I have no idea what I just wrote, and am just going to post it, before I realize how crappy it is.

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