Sunday, May 5, 2002

a waste of my time

I am uncircumcised. It is not a tattoo or a piercing. Please don't ask me to show it to you. It's sort of annoying.

Today, I went over to Mary's hoping to get outside and go do something with her in the beautiful beautiful spring weather like putt-putt. But, I got there and we ended up doing nothing because of their laziness, except drinking Coronas, sitting on the couch in their dark living room, and talking to Ty. Or more accurately, listening to Ty talk. He soon started talking about cocks, and he then said something about uncircumcised cocks, and he quickly asked me if I was cut, and I said no. Him and Mary both reacted very shocked, and Ty kept asking me to show it to them. Normally, I would have done as I have done way too many times when I get the same question and just shown it to them, but Ty just makes me totally insecure because he's the most vain boy I have ever known and he's so judgemental. Besides that though, I just do not like him, and goddamn, I am not going to show my penis to some boy I do not even like. Not even after he tries to make me feel more insecure and tell them that: It's okay, people with small penises don't like to show themselves, that's cool. Whatever Ty, it's not going to work. The both of them then started asking what it looked like and so many other questions that made me feel like I had a sixth toe or something abnormal. Then they asked Why? Why the fuck do you think, you idiots? Because my parents decided not to, because they're really progressive, you country bumpkins. I was so uncomfortable in this situation and so was regretting coming over there. Why are people so fascinated by uncircumcised penises? I really don't think they're that weird, but of course, I probably wouldn't since I am uncut, but I really don't see the big deal about them. It's fucking natural, the cut people are unnatural people. Normally, I don't mind showing it to people that ask. I remember my first semester, somehow talking to Gabe about it, who was also uncut and we showed each other our pee-pees. That I did not mind. And, I did not mind it the other occasions it has happened. But today, I was getting so bothered by it.

After that bit of nonsense, I had to listen to Ty talk about his attractiveness and how he was part of "the in crowd" at this dance studio. And he was totally serious about all of this. I honestly don't know how he is real - I can't even believe someone would seriously say half the things he does. I then tried to convince Mary to go bowling, but Ty managed to dissuade her because bowling is "too low-class" and "too many ghetto black people," from a boy that is half-black. I was ready to run out of the place, covering my ears, clicking my heels and wishing I was back at New College. They decided that we should go out to eat, but I was pissed that we weren't going bowling, put on my shoes, and abruptly told them Good-by. They tried to convince me to stay, but I just let the door close behind me and ran to my car.

Once home, I called Sarah to see if she would go bowling but of course, her phone was busy, so no I did not get to go bowling. I was hungry and went to Taco Bell. Ate it while reading the Sunday paper at home. And as soon as I finished the phone rang. And it was William. And I really liked him tonight on the phone, we talked for so long, and I told him about my horrible day, and he told me about his art, and it was so nice to talk to someone normal, and I really really like William now after talking to him, and we're supposed to go get coffee in the next couple days after he finishes up all his end of semester stuff.

And he told me that he'd go bowling with me anytime. And that made my eyes water with happiness.

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