Tuesday, March 30, 2004

I do not know if I actually have a reason to be sad or not, if I am actually being brushed off, but the possibility that I am is making me sad. The last time I talked to Matt was Saturday night when I told him he should come out to those parties. He said he might later. I called after fleeing Sterling's to tell him that I was going home, told him about the dog, and about running away. As I mentioned he did sound disturbed about the dog. Something along the lines of "Charlie, what? Don't tell me this now. I don't want to hear this. We'll talk tomorrow."

So I waited Sunday for him to call. He did not. I waited most of Monday, yesterday, before giving in around ten o'clock and I got his answering machine, which I thought was odd since he always has his phone on him. He did not call me back at all last night which is where the sadness started. Today, I waited and waited for him to call me back, constantly checking my phone to see if there were any new messages. At nine, I called and did not leave a message. Same thing at around ten. At work, I was so sad, trying to think of why perhaps he might not be calling me, could he really be that disgusted by the dog story? Does he just not like me anymore? Or is he really busy getting ready for his show this Friday? All questions which I threw around to myself and to Joe when he would listen to me mope. He thankfully convinced me not to call anymore, to just chill out and wait. I took the subway home, sad, and while walking up the stairs out of the subway towards my house, I heard that distinctive ring tone letting me know that I had a message. Excited, I dialed it up, and heard that it was Matt's phone number, and waited nervousely to hear what he would say in the message.

Hi Charlie, This is Matt, Call me back.

That was it, but he said hi and not hey, said call me back and not give me a call back. And he said it so dryly, which was the most troubling part, his bouncy optimism could not be found in any of those words. Normally he does not leave as curt messages either. It also seems oddly suspicious that he would call me right after I got off work, when he knew I would be on the subway.

I called him back, he did not pick up. I left a message, and then sulked off to La Bonita Bakery where I ordered a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich with mayonaisse, all that yummy fat to make me feel better. While I was waiting around for my food, I turned up my ringer to make sure that I would hear his call, but I sort of had a feeling that I was not going to recieve a call back from him in La Bonita, and I was right, and soon, I am going to go to bed feeling miserable and lonely and unwanted, and I have a feeling that he will not call me then either, and I really hope that I will not be right, but I think you guys know what will probably happen.

Tomorrow evening, I will try calling him again.

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