Saturday, March 20, 2004


I just got back home from watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and while it was an enjoyable movie, there is something preventing me from totally embracing this movie - I am not sure what this thing is, but it was also in effect with the other big Kaufman penned films. The questioning of reality and our perceptions of it is done in a way that is not as ham-fisted as say something like The Matrix, but nor is it that disimilar from it. And that is the best way I can describe why these movies don't jive with my way of thinking - their hyper-conscious, almost paranoid concern with various levels of perception is just anaethema to my way of thinking. Call me slow-witted, or just slow - but these movies are akin to hanging out with an uptight, neurotic friend. Small doses, small doses.

I am also becoming increasingly a sap, I do believe. The scenes where Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey cuddle in bed made me mouth, "Ohh" in that Ohh, that's so cute way. And this is because there is a boy in my life right now that I like to cuddle with, a boy that right now I adore. I spent yesterday with him and a decent chunk of early today also, and it was so fun, and so exhausting. I slept until six this evening and I am ready to fall back asleep right now. We went to art galleries in Chelsea last night, saw a purple painting by Kusama that I really liked at Robert Miller. The rest of the show did nothing for me. Gorgeous Warhol prints at Paul Kasmin that seemed happy and in no way cynical. I loved them and they are forcing to me reevalute my thinking about Warhol. And then lots of schlock that I cannot remember, because it was schlock and because I was trashed off of God knows how many plastic cups of white wine. The only thing I remember is Jessica Jackson Hutchins at Derek Eller. I remember adoring the paintings. This, however, may have been because of the booze.

Then free doughnuts at Krispy Kreme, open bar at Plaid, four weak cocktails down my throat, dancing wildly and ecstatically with Matt to pop music, catching the last train to Brooklyn before the L shut down, playing with Matt's hands, which I love, the whole train ride home. Him buying coke, yes, more booze at Metropolitan. Talking to random people, downing five beers. Count those drinks, they add up to way too many. Doing lines in the bathroom with Matt, making out with him in the stall, confessing various things. Him, telling me that he is obsessed with me, and I was so happy - I have now let down my guard completely and am infatuated also without restraint. I made out with two old men. And then when the bar closed, Matt and I walked to my house in the snow, and it looked pretty for a change. I made out with Matt in the falling snow outside my door. The snow looked even prettier then. And yes, then we went to my bed and kissed and kept our bodies close together all night long. He overslept, and missed the train he was supposed to take home. He eventually got up. I tried to prevent him, tried to keep in my bed forever. Now he is in Pennsylvannia for the weekend, and I am so happy these days.

Today, I found out that I overdrew my checking account with a five dollar check to New College that I had forgot about. I am now negative thirty three dollars until I deposit my paycheck. I have still yet to recieve my W-2s from the Best Western after calling them numerous times. I could probably list many more things that should have me fretting and pulling on my hair, but again, there is a boy I really like who told me he was obsessed with me, he has a lovely curve to his back, and really, I am so happy.

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