I was going to try to go to Paul's wake today, was figuring out how to navigate Metro North trains online, and rushing from our apartment to my room down the hall to get dressed for the only train that would get me there in time when I see someone ascending the stairs to our floor. I pause, not even having my contacts in, but recognizing trouble, a bald black man carrying around electronics equipment. I stare at him and am above him and am lucky that this interaction did not occur a minute later when we were on equal footing, or when he opened our unlocked door to our living room. Flustered, he tells me he's selling VCR's and video games. I tell him I don't want any and am too tired, too just waking up to be scared and stare at him until he walks downstairs. I go back into the living room, lock the door, and call the police.

Within minutes a swarm of police are at my building. I give them a description, talk to them. They bust into Dara's room because I was downstairs at the time, waking her up with a gun. I talk to my frazzled landlords who were all home on the first floor at the time. And soon the police have the guy. I ID him. The landlord agrees to press charges for trespassing, and then more talking to police and landlords. And now I have missed my chance of catching that 12:07 train and the next one is not till 4:45.

Before noon, I am responsible for someone's arrest. It is not a way to start the day. And I am not sure that this bears mentioning amongst death and arrests, but yesterday I did some sex work. The guy got me stoned and I got a blowjob and a rimjob while listening to Bob Dylan, which he was blaring in the falling light of the day and it was an incredible experience. That life contains so much, all of this, these potential and realized feelings is awesome in the true sense, that I am just silenced with awe when I try to grasp it.