Thursday, April 27, 2006

I am pretty sure I have the slightest, smallest shard of glass stuck in the big toe on my left foot, probably from taking out the trash or the recycling at some point in the past couple days, stuff I am always doing since my roommates are assholes who I wish would disappear (well, not Adele). Mainly, just Jillian and Josh. Adele never takes out the trash either, but that’s okay, because I like her and she talks to me.

I hate, hate, hate Jillian and Josh and they are still here every night despite our talk about a month ago, they still have not taken out the trash once since our talk about a month ago. I hate them more than I have ever hated any other roommates. I really wish they would move out now. I have thought about telling Jillian she should move out within a month, but am too scared to since I think she could easily say No, since she is on the lease and then there would be ugly tenseness for months and months, worse even than the ugly tenseness that now fills our house. But our lease in up at the end of August and I am just counting down the time until then, trying to tell myself that four months is not that long. I don’t think she is planning on staying when the lease is up, and even if she is, she’s not going to. I am going to ask my landlord to just resign the lease with me.

Um, yeah, I did start out talking about glass in my foot, but like so often, my rage again focused on these assholes of roommates I have, even though that shouldn’t be a plural statement because only one of them is my actually roommate. But, this glass or splinter. I can’t see it and can’t reach it. It is into deep, but I know it is there because it sort of hurts to put my weight on that foot and I am scared that I am going to die, to develop some horrible infection from whatever is stuck inside my big toe and unreachable.

Also, I think Ethan might not be talking to me. And this is depressing because now that means no one is talking to me. For the past couple months, he has been the only person I have hung out with and our friendship became really close, but last week, drunk, he told me he liked me a lot and it was very awkward and weird since I do not see him in that light, and we have not hung out since then. I talked to him a couple days ago and he was at an opening and told me he would call me later that night, and never did, which is weird with him since he is always really prompt about calling back right away. And he didn’t call yesterday and I so called him today, left a message early this afternoon, which he has not returned. Again, it wouldn’t be weird if it were anyone else, but he always returned my calls right away before the weirdness of last week. Also, there is the very probable option that I am being overly paranoid and melodramatic.

And I am terribly broke, fairly depressed about many things, and am about to drink another beer and watch Salman Rushdie serve as the guest host on Charlie Rose. I really wish I could run away to somewhere, but that too, requires money.

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