Sunday, June 23, 2002

the hunt for vagina

So right after I posted my last entry, Bonnie and her sister, Caroline came in from a day of driving around with their parents, and got me to go out dinner with their family at Essen Hause, this Old German style restaurant, with the staff dressed in fun outfits, a super loud polka band, and countless varietes of beer you've never heard of. I had brats and a large quantity of Schwarz beer. Lately, I have become quite a fan of beers, and Schwarz (black) beer may very well be my new favorite type - it's just so damn good. There wasn't too much conversation at dinner because as was already mentioned, but perhaps not fully grasped by you, the reader, is that this polka band was loud. So loud that you could only talk to the person right next to you by yelling into their ear, which was a good thing then, because it meant that I hardly had to converse with Bonnie's family at all, which is nothing against Bonnie's family, but just against having to converse with any friend's parents, it is always so nerve-wracking for some reason to think of something to say after they say some statement. Anyways, the food and beer were so good - it has been so long since I've eaten at a German restaurant, it was real fun. But what was even more fun than the brats, or the schwarz beer, or our cute waiter in his Sound of Musicish green shorts and suspenders, was what happened after we had finished our food. Bonnie and I pressured Caroline into polka dancing with her dad, who was really excited about polka dancing. And then they took the floor in front of the band, and boy oh boy, was that some bad "polka" dancing. There was a couple that was polka dancing a little bit before they went out that were really good, and my mom's family is from Minnesota and they always have polka music at wedding receptions and things, so I know what it is supposed to look like, and I can safely say friends that this was not polka dancing. I'd really like to describe it for you accurately so that you could understand why Bonnie, Teresa, and I were laughing so hard while we were watching them, why I had to occasionally struggle for breath because I was laughing so hard. But, it was real entertaining and they were both far braver than I would have been for even attempting to dance in a restaurant full of people in polka country.

Then Caroline and her dad came back to the table, and to the astonishment of Caroline and I, Bonnie got up to dance with her dad even though she just spent five minutes laughing at Caroline. Bonnie seemed to be doing a bit better than Caroline during the first song but it was still far too hilirious too handle. Then they danced to a second song and this one was far, far worse than Caroline's. A girl couple was doing a little polka parade march around the floor, and Bonnie and her dad tried imitating their dance moves and following them around in the circle, but they weren't doing such a good job with the imitating, and they were doing an even worse job with the following aspect. They kept crashing into the couple ahead of them, much to the amusement of Caroline and I - we were on our way out the door, standing, watching them, but we were laughing so hard, that we had to sit down on some steps just to hold our stomach.

Then we finally made it out of Essen Hause, and were on our way back to Bonnie's family's hotel. We were going to go look at the pool or something, but Bonnie's dad heard good jazz coming out of the hotel bar, and soon we were sitting at a table in this bar, watching this really fun jazz band, amongst a bunch of people that were very obviously some wedding party. The jazz band took a break and two really old men from the wedding party went up to the microphone and said they wanted to sing a song, and we cheered these two, cute old men on who were so slow-talking because they must have been at least seventy. And then they let in a dig at the band, saying that they had wanted some backup, but the band wasn't going to help out, so they were going to have to sing it "a ca-pell-la." Annuciated just like that in a very Wisconsin accent, so we knew we were in for a treat even before they started singing. And then they warned us that the song was "not anti-religous," that it was just a fun song.

I wish I would have had the foresight to remember the lyrics to this crazy song they wrote, because it was seriously the most non-sensical thing ever, I felt like I was on acid or something watching these crazy old men sing about Jesus' brother, "Al." That's right, Al was Jesus' brother's name, just in case you didn't know that. It was the most insane thing ever. Just one more insane incident in what would be a continious string of them last night. We finally left the bar because everyone was getting real tired, and Teresa went upstairs to bed, and Bonnie, Caroline, their dad, and I walked down State Street, which was beeming with loud, drunken packs of college kids. We ran into Heidi and Shane (both from PIRG), who were on their way to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show, talked to them for a while, and then headed further down State Street until Bonnie's dad decided that he was going to go back to the hotel. And I secretly was so relieved, so that now we could get a little crazy, or a little more so.

Random side note: I feel like I am much better about writing entries where nothing happens in my day because in those I tend to not be so detailed about everything I do (because obviously I didn't do anything), but the result of that is that the entries tend to be, at least in my opinion, a little more introspective and meaningful, where I try to put the (non)events in a broader picture, placing it somewhere in this thing called life - but with entries like these, I tend to just relay the events that took place just because it's a fun story I want to tell so that later on when I want to remember this night, I can just read this entry and laugh - so yeah, back to the cataloging of events:

We then went to this gay bar, The Rainbow Room, and spent a decent amount of time before we went in convincing Caroline (who is only 18) that she was Monica Novotny, since she was going to use Monica's old ID that Bonnie had, which looks absoultly nothing like Caroline. So Caroline showed the door guy her ID, and after inspecting it, she was in without question. But then I hand him my ID, which is of me, and is a real ID, and he says something like, "Oh, Florida must have got a new design for the licenses. [Sly chuckling since he thinks he's so clever for spotting a "fake ID"] But you can go in anyways, you look cute." I didn't say anything, just was happy to be in, but was sort of annoyed that I really do like like I am 12 even though I am 21 goddamnit. The place was a lot smaller than Club-5, and was mainly a bar with this tiny little dance floor that no one was really dancing on, but that's okay because there was no cover and they were also playing better music here. "Better music" meaning songs we knew the words to: Modjo's "Lady", Daft Punk's "One More Time," and lots of other songs we for some reason knew the words too. The three of us were dancing real wild and having a blast, shaking our asses, and just having so much goddamn fun. All the fun, though, made me hot and sweaty, and so I sat down on this barstool to cool off, and was approached by a bunch of gross guys that I did my best to blow off, particulary one ishy one who was dancing near Bonnie and Caroline on the stage and kept on doing this weird "come here" thing with his finger. [For those of you that read Bonnie's livejournal, this is also the guy that appearantly told her and Caroline that they smelled like fish]. Anyways, right as this scary guy was trying to get me dance with him, I was luckily rescued by this cute boy and girl who asked why I quit dancing, saying that they had come back from the bar to watch me dance some more. And they were real nice and non-threatening, so I started talking to them, and found out they were both flight attendents who just had a layover in Madison, Ashely and Rod (whose last name I later found out was "Lick" - what a porn star name, eh?- Rod Lick). These two were just beyond cool, and soon Caroline and Bonnie were talking with them too, and we all just bonded so quickly, I guess since they didn't really have any friends or ties here either. I kept on asking Rod all these questions I had about male flight attendents. How many of the male ones are gay? (about 90%) and on and on, him telling me about Amsterdam, which is where they usually have their layovers since they often work on the flights to India. We all talked more, and drank more, and danced more, and had such a good time in this tiny little bar that at first looked like it would not be that much fun.

Then some guy that was hitting on Rod asked him if he wanted to go to an afterparty, and Rod, being the wonderful person he is, said only if his three friends could also come (Bonnie, Caroline, and I). So soon, Rod, Ashley, Bonnie, Caroline, and I were following this insane boy Justin through the streets of Madison towards the Vagina. He said that we had to see this vagina that his friend made, some six foot tall vagina art or something. Justin must have been on speed or something because after explaining where we were all from and which ones of us were flight attendents, he asked about five more times real real hyper, "Okay, so which ones are the flight attendents?" And then "Huh, that's weird, all of you are flight attendents?" Justin is another person beyond words, he was real cute and had this great Wisconsin accent, but he was also so insane, basically circling these streets, saying "Okay, it's right up here." And then continuing with his insane lines of questioning, and annoucing how we were going to find the Vagina, and how we all had to see it, the Vagina. The word "vagina" become so comical last night, especially with Justin's accent and his constant repeition of the word, and how there was the fact that all of us liked cock, yet we were wondering the streets of Madison, on this perhaps metaphoric search for the elusive Vagina. What were we hoping to find? Soon, all of us started walking a little bit behind Justin, and discussing whether this boy was a lunatic, and if there really was an afterparty, or if should just run away before he killed us.

Justin proclaimed that he had found the house and soon we were walking up someone's stairs all of us exclaiming how we wanted to see pussy, how we wanted vagina, and then Justin leads us into some kitchen, asking a girl about The Vagina, and she tells Justin how it's not here. The vagina's not here. Now, how many levels of meanings could I pick out of that if I wanted to be real obnoxious? It's two houses down. The Vagina is two houses down. They moved it. They can appearantly move such things two houses down. So, the pack of us leave this house and go two houses down, looking for The Vagina. And there it is. In this house that reminded me so much of rolling and Brandeton, and every resident of Remington house, and any of Anne's friends. There were two turntables set up, and someone occasioally spinning techno, a bunch of people in the dark living room smoking pot. We went into the dining room to witness The Vagina. The artist that made the vagina was drizzityunk and was giving the most insane explantion of the meaning of his six foot tall, papier-mache Vagina. Something about the Virgin Mary's sexuality, fog machines, and Camaros if that makes any sense to you, because that is all I heard him say. I was letting my eyes do too much work, distracting my ears, and perhaps any thoughts that might have been in any type of mood to listen to drunken explanations of Art. I was too busy checking out Vagina Boy - he was red hot in the true sense of the word. He had bleached blond hair, and was wearing this tight tank top that showed off his gym toned arms and chest. When he started massaging the inside of the vagina, slowly rubbing his tough boy hand along the inner lip of the vagina, up and down, back up and then down again, slowly and methodically, talking about how you have to carress the vagina, with the hugest smile of delight on his face, I was seriously about to cream my motherfucking pants. So, we had found the elusive Vagina. We had found what we were looking for, at least in one sense. Can I start writing my name Hajii Q, for making it to our Mecca? Probably not, since the Vagina was never my Mecca, it was more like the goose in our wild goose hunt, maybe even my Great White Whale, but even that has too much pyschological attachment to the object, so let's stick with the goose theme. I am Person that Found One of his Wild Geese Q.

We drank some vodka, danced to silly techno, talked to random people, and all of a sudden at like 2:45, I decided that I was tired and that I needed to go to bed. I had gotten only two hours sleep the previous night because of Red Bull caffeine that made me so anxy and unable to sleep and then Bonnie woke up at the crack of dawn to get her family, and so yeah I realized all of this, and realized how I just wanted to lie in my bed, so we told the flight attendents that we were going to go home, and Rodney said that he was going to leave with us, and as a result, Ashley decided she would leave too. Ashley's such a wild child from Texas, she's so cool, I love her so much. So, we walked back for a while together before it was time for us to go our seperate ways, them towards the HoJo, and us, towards Babcock House. We exchanged email addresses and agreed that whenever they fly to Tampa we will go out and party with them. It was so weird on the corner where we said our goodbyes, it was like saying good-bye to a friend who was moving and that you would probably never see again.

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